Feb 23., 2000 I just wrote Mike a very penitant, very extended Dear-John. My only worry is that previously established, and I hope I have not done him permanent harm by trifling with him for 3 years. I wonder if anti-social people like me ever find true love, or if they could through the world continually breaking hearts until they learn to leave well enough alone, and become truly anti-social. Selfishness is the bane of my existence, for if I had admitted to myself sooner that this was a love of lust and convenience — for I knew all along the true state of things — I might not now be forced to hurt him so much. My only hopes are that he will discover his own love to be but a high-school infatuation, “an unprophitable dream from which it happened well that he awoke,” and that he will stay in the church and find true happiness there. For myself, I am beginning to wonder if “relationships” are really worth anything to the proud and the wicked, such as myself, or whether I should not forever keep to myself.
And now, according to tradition, I must state that it is 1:52 AM, and draw the appropriate heart. But whose name is right for it?
<3 ? <3