OK, here’s the idea: what if my novel Pride of her Parents were an OAV from Shapier? So DiC buys the rights to it in America and dubs it. The follwing is the conversation between the creative staff of DiC as to what changes they should make. You’ll probably get this even if you haven’t read Pride of her Parents.

Creative Staff #1: I think the name En Shevil sounds too Shapierian, what about you?

Creative Staff #2: But she is Shapierian.

CS#1: Yeah, but American kids don’t identify with people from other countries. Plus it might be too hard for them to pronounce.

CS#2: Even though they’ll hear it spoken long before they’ll ever see it written?

CS#1: Whatever. I think we should give her an American name like Jane. Achim can be Bob.

CS#2: But “En Shevil” has three syllables, and “Jane” only has one — won’t that make it hard for the voice actors?

CS#1: Don’t worry about it — they can just stretch it out.

CS#2 writes, “En Shevil – Jane; Achim – Bob”

CS#1: I think we’re going to strike the romance between them, too — it’s too mature and psychological for American kids.

CS#2: What? How are you going to explain them kissing?

CS#1: We’ll just say they’re cousins.

CS#2 writes: “Jane and Bob are cousins.”

CS#1: Also, I think the story takes too long to tell. We should cut a lot of it.

CS#2: It’s all pretty necesarry for character development.

CS#1: American kids are too stupid for character development. Let’s cut the parts in Ytsomo Kwai, Sechburg, and Tarna.

CS#2: You just cut all En Shevil’s major mental catalysts!

CS#1 (corrects him): Jane’s. And like I said, they wouldn’t get it anyway. Plus I don’t think we need the “traveling to other worlds” part either. We’ll just fill in the details with added dialogue when her back is turned. Also, her killing spree is too violent.

CS#2: But there’s no gore.

CS#1: Still, American parents might get mad at all that death. Let’s just pan some scenes across — like some pained faces — and imply what happens through dialogue.

CS#2 writes: “Less killing by Jane; cut visuals”

CS#1: And that Shapierian music is just too weird. Let’s replace it with a synth.

CS#2: You can’t do that! The musical themes are varied and symbolic!

CS#1: Don’t you get it? American kids are too stupid for that kind of thing.

CS#2 writes: “Death to cool music.”

CS#1: Don’t you think that the ending is way too long? I find it anti-climactic. Let’s cut 3/4 of it.

CS#2 (sighs): OK, anything else?

CS#1: Just a catchy, plot-revealing theme song.

CS#2: Well then, can we start the voice-over auditions?

CS#1: We canceled those; we already spent our budget on computer-animated scene transitions that hide half of what’s going on. We’re going to get the janitor to play Jane — and probably Elsa, too. What should we call her, by the way? That ‘von Spielburg’ is a bit much for kids, don’t you think?

CS#2: That’s it. I quit.

CS#1: Wait! We need you to do all the male voices!