RKAIM

Sexy Fox Bitch – Instant Message
Kenjutsu Komachi: Megumi-san!!!
Sexy Fox Bitch: What’s up, girl?

Kenjutsu Komachi:
same as always

Sexy Fox Bitch:
You mean Ken-san isn’t paying attention to you?

Kenjutsu Komachi:
:O

Kenjutsu Komachi:
Shut up

Sexy Fox Bitch:
ho ho ho

Kenjutsu Komachi:
you’re in Aizu so you it’s not like he’s paying attention to you either

Sexy Fox Bitch:
*sighs* You’re right :

Sexy Fox Bitch:
But it’s OK, because I may be hooking up with a guy here

Kenjutsu Komachi:
That’s great! *hugs*

Sexy Fox Bitch:
He’s a friend of the family. He IS a little older than me, but I don’t mind…

Kenjutsu Komachi:
awesome!! older guys are the best!!!

Aoshi’s Girl Forever!!! – Instant Message
Aoshi’s Girl Forever!!!:
*glomps*

Aoshi’s Girl Forever!!!:
Kaoru-san!!!!!

Kenjutsu Komachi:
Hold on, let me start a chat

Chat Room – Kaoru’s Chat Room

You have just entered room “Kaoru’s Chat Room”
Aoshi’s Girl Forever!!! has entered the room
Sexy Fox Bitch has entered the room


Kenjutsu Komachi:
Now we’re all together!

Aoshi’s Girl Forever!!!:
*waves* HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sexy Fox Bitch:
How are you, Misao-chan?

Aoshi’s Girl Forever!!!:
Great!! How are you?

Kenjutsu Komachi:
:D I’m eating leftover rice-balls that Kenshin made!!

Sexy Fox Bitch:
Fine… Kaoru-san, it’s no surprise that you’d prefer even a leftover rice-ball Kenshin made to one of your own

Aoshi’s Girl Forever!!!:
lol, Sexy!!

Kenjutsu Komachi:
Well, at least he makes rice-balls for ME

Aoshi’s Girl Forever!!!:
Ouch!!

Sexy Fox Bitch:
Let’s invite him to chat

Kenjutsu Komachi:
what he’s on? oh he is!

Sexy Fox Bitch:
…inviting…

Kenjutsu Komachi:
No, I will!

Sexy Fox Bitch:
Too late

Rurouni has entered the room


Kenjutsu Komachi:
Kenshin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sexy Fox Bitch:
Ken-san!

Aoshi’s Girl Forever!!!:
*glomps* Himura!!!!!!

Rurouni:
My… I seem to be very popular here!

Sexy Fox Bitch:
-snuggles Rurouni- Of course you are! You’re the only mane we know with red hair!

Sexy Fox Bitch:
*man

Kenjutsu Komachi:
*pulls out shinai* hey, bitch…!

Rurouni:
Umm… I’m inviting Sano in, OK?

Sexy Fox Bitch:
-readies scalpel- What is it, Komachi dear?

Aoshi’s Girl Forever!!!!!:
Yay, Kenkaya!!!

Kenjutsu Komachi:
*laughs at scalpel* I jsut wanted you to come over here

Kenkaya Zanza has entered the room


Aoshi’s Girl Forever!!!:
*glomps Zanza* Hi!!!!!!!!!!

Kenkaya Zanza:
feeling outnumbered by women, rurouni?

Kenkaya Zanza:
hi aoshi’s girl

Sexy Fox Bitch:
-holds onto Rurouni- I’d rather sta yover here, thanks

Sexy Fox Bitch:
*stay over

Rurouni:
Yes, Sano, I was

Rurouni:
Oro?!

Kenjutsu Komachi:
Misao-chan, can I borrow your kunai?

Super Samurai 94783 has entered the room


Kenkaya Zanza:
i’m afraid to get online cause some sycopath is stalking me

Super Samurai 94783:
Hi, everyone

Aoshi’s Girl Forever!!!:
lol *hands Komachi kunai*

Rurouni:
Who’s stalking you, Sano?

Kenjutsu Komachi:
*holds up kunai* well, Bitch, you can stay there if you want…

Aoshi’s Girl Forever!!!:
There’s nothing wrong with stalking people online!!!!!

Kenkaya Zanza:
i dont know if he’s relaly stalking me, but i see him everywher and he’s so rude

Kenkaya Zanza:
yes there is aoshi’s girl what the hell are you talking about?????????

Sexy Fox Bitch:
Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho, you can’t throw those!

Rurouni:
But who is this stalker, Sano? Maybe I know him.

Amber Wolf has entered the room


Kenkaya Zanza:
WHAT THE FUCK THAT’S HIM WHO THE HELL INVITED HIM??????????

Kenjutsu Komachi:
what do you mean, I can’t throw them? Sano, get over it!

Super Samurai 94783:
This is my friend Amber Wolf, Kaoru you don’mind do you?

Super Samurai 94783:
don’t

Amber Wolf:
I do seem to know how to make an entrance… thank you for the all-caps greeting, Zanza

Rurouni:
Oro? Zanza, this is your stalker?

Sexy Fox Bitch:
You’re such a terrible shot, Komachi, you’ll hit Rurouni if you throw those!

Kenkaya Zanza:
YES

Super Samurai 94783:
Wolf, are you stalking Zanza?

Rurouni:
Please don’t throw kunai at me….

Aoshi’s Girl Forever!!!:
I’m an online stalker too!!! Good to meet you, Amber Wolf!!! ^.^

Amber Wolf:
Stalking, is it?

Kenjutsu Komachi:
this is a chat room, so my aim is improved like you won’t believe!

Kenkaya Zanza:
amber wolf, i think u must be gay

Rurouni:
Aoshi’s Girl, I think you are maybe too hyper to be a real stalker.

Super Samurai 94783:
Speaking of gay…

Amber Wolf:
Zanza, I think you must be mentally retarded.

Rainbow Scythe has entered the room


Sexy Fox Bitch:
-laughs- Will you risi it, though?

Sexy Fox Bitch:
*risk

Rainbow Scythe:
Hi, all!! :: glomps Super Samurai ::

Rurouni:
I can see why you don’t like this ‘stalker,’ Zanza!

Kenjutsu Komachi:
hi, Rainbow! you’re Yahiko’s friend, aren’t you?

Kenkaya Zanza:
amber wolf is such a bastard

Rainbow Scythe:
:: smiles seductively at Super Samurai :: Oh, I’m much more than just his friend!

Kenjutsu Komachi:
Bitch, I have a new idea. *grabs Zanza’s sword* now I can reach you from here without throwing anything!

Super Samurai 94783:
What?! Rainbow, you’re going to make these poeple think I’m as gay as you are!

Kenkaya Zanza:
what, kenjutsu, you’re grabbing my sword? i thought it was rurouni you liked!

Super Samurai 94783:
people

Amber Wolf:
Super Samurai, do you mean to say that you *aren’t* gay?

Sexy Fox Bitch:
Oh ho ho ho!

Aoshi’s Girl Forever!!!:
lol, Amber Wolf!

Rurouni:
Oro??

Super Samurai 94783:
What?!?!?

Aoshi’s Girl Forever!!!:
roflol, Zanza!

Rainbow Scythe:
:: pouts :: Well, do you mind if I invite my REAL boyfriend in, then?

Kenjutsu Komachi:
Zanza, you’re an idiot! Rainbow, I don’t mind.

King Of Hell has entered the room


Kenjutsu Komachi:
Bitch, let me rephrase. *grabs Zanza’s ZANBATOU*

Queen Of Hell has entered the room


King Of Hell:
I found you guys again! Did you think you could have a chat without me?

Kenkaya Zanza:
who the HELL r u 2?

Sexy Fox Bitch:
You don’t scary me with that thing… you can barely lift it!

Rainbow Scythe:
:: glomps King of Hell, kisses ::

Sexy Fox Bitch:
*scare

Super Samurai 94783:
LOL, Zanza!

Queen Of Hell:
Don’t talk to him like that! Rainbow Scythe, get off him!!!!

Kenjutsu Komachi:
Zanza, have you never meet the King and Queen of Hell before?

Aoshi’s Girl Forever!!!:
I wish Aoshi-sama would get online…

Kenkaya Zanza:
what kinds of names is King of Hell and Quen of Hell?

Rainbow Scythe:
:: laughs at Queen of Hell :: Your dress is falling off, hon.

Kenjutsu Komachi:
well, it IS a stupid kind of sword, but it’s the only heavy weapon in the room!

King Of Hell:
What kind of a name is “Zanza?”

Kenkaya Zanza:
a fucking cool one!!! kenjutsu, are you inslting my zanbatou???

Rainbow Scythe:
:: laughs again and tosses Kenjutsu his scythe :: Look out for the ball-and-chain!

King Of Hell:
And if I’m really the king of hell?

Kenkaya Zanza:
why would u call yourself what u really r? kinda goes against the point of being online

Amber Wolf:
Yes, we couldn’t do that…. then Zanza would be “Complete Idiot.”

Kenjutsu Komachi:
*catches the scythe* wait, are you Kamatari?

Queen Of Hell:
Amber Wolf, LMAO!

Kenkaya Zanza:
shut the fuck up, wolf

Amber Wolf:
Or perhaps “Constantly Intoxicated.” And Kenjutsu seems remarkably quick at picking up on things.

Rainbow Scythe:
:: blows kiss, winks :: Of course I am!

King Of Hell:
Wolf, good call.

Kenjutsu Komachi:
hey! how was I supposed to know?

Sexy Fox Bitch:
-snuggles Rurouni-

Aoshi’s Girl Forever!!!:
*whines* I wonder where he is….!

Kenkaya Zanza:
then wolf would be ‘ugly bastard.

Amber Wolf:
“Unable to Type” …Kenjutsu, I think “Rainbow Scythe” was somewhat of a giveaway.

Rurouni:
Oro?

King Of Hell:
roflol

Rainbow Scythe:
Good idea, Sexy…. :: snuggles King of Hell ::

Super Samurai 94783:
LOL! Stop picjing on Zanza!

Super Samurai 94783:
pickin

Kenjutsu Komachi:
Samurai, he deserves it. Who do you think is paying for his internet connection? Besides, Amber’s picking on me too. Bitch, don’t make me come over there!

Super Samurai 94783:
picking

Queen Of Hell:
*glowers at Rainbow Scythe* You’ve got three seconds to get off my man, you queer pervert!

Amber Wolf:
“Cognitively Defunct”

Kenkaya Zanza:
for your information, i’m at katsu’s place

Sexy Fox Bitch:
-beckons, hugs Rurouni tighter- Come right over, tanuki-girl!

King Of Hell:
Amber Wolf, I like the way you think.

Rainbow Scythe:
:: grins, feels up King of Hell ::

Kenjutsu Komachi:
Zanza, mooching off of HIS connection? *runs, attacks Bitch with scythe*

Queen Of Hell:
*counts:* THREE Hey, Constantly Intoxicated…

Kenkaya Zanza:
DON’T CALL ME ANY OF THAT CRAP

Sexy Fox Bitch:
-ducks behind Rurouni, starts mixing chemicals-

Rurouni:
Oro??? Don’t attack me, Kenjutsu Komachi!

Super Samurai 94783:
Aoshi’s Girl Forever, do you have Aoshi’s other address?

Kenjutsu Komachi:
*ducks around Rurouni to find Sexy Fox Bitch* don’t try to hide!

Aoshi’s Girl Forever!!!:
OTHER ADDRESS??!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!?!??!?!??!?!?!??!?!

Kenkaya Zanza:
heh, I can balance the mouse on one finger

Sexy Fox Bitch:
-throws acid in Kejutsu’s face-

Amber Wolf:
Thank you, your majesty. *bows* And Zanza, you never cease to fail to amaze me.

Rainbow Scythe:
:: kisses King of Hell repeatedly ::

King Of Hell:
Amber Wolf, you don’t have to mock me like that… I really AM the king of hell… *is losing patience with Rainbow Scythe*

Queen Of Hell:
*counts:* TWO

Kenkaya Zanza:
wolf, can U balance the mouse on one finger, huh? huh?

Kenjutsu Komachi:
*dodges the acid, strikes with scythe* (and you spelled my name wrong)

Super Samurai 94783:
Yeah, it’s Midnight_Okashira@angelfire.com

Amber Wolf:
Is there nothing better to do in Hell than this? Zanza, if I were so pathetic as to attempt to best you in such matters, I certainly wouldn’t admit it in a public chat.

Sexy Fox Bitch:
-dodges the strike, prepares a syringe- (oh, I did… ‘Komachi’ is much easier to type)

Aoshi’s Girl Forever!!!:
OMG, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!

Rainbow Scythe:
:: starts to disrobe King of Hell ::

Rurouni:
Ladies…. um….

Queen Of Hell:
ALL RIGHT, YOU FAGGOT! I’VE HAD ABOUT ENOUGH OF THIS!!!

King Of Hell:
Kamatari, I think that’s enough.

Kenkaya Zanza:
fuck u, wolf

Super Samurai 94783:
Yeah, he’s got an Angelfire website too, didn’t you know?

Rainbow Scythe:
I guess it’s time to kill Yumi at last! :: looks around for scythe :: (lol, Zanza, yes! you should! yummy!)

Kenjutsu Komachi:
*attacks Bitch again* wait, Rainbow, do you need this back?

Amber Wolf:
Rainbow Scythe, was that an invitation?

Aoshi’s Girl Forever!!!:
OMG OMG OMG OMG!!! WHERE IS IT?????

King Of Hell:
*sighs* She’s already dead, you idiot. She can’t fight anyway. *draws sword*

Super Samurai 94783:
http://www.angelfire.com/shinomori/okashira/.

Rainbow Scythe:
:: kisses Amber Wolf :: I was just thinking it would be fun to watch. Kenjutsu, yes, please. King Of Hell… if I can beat you, will you go out with me?

Super Samurai 94783:
Minus the .

Aoshi’s Girl Forever!!!:
looking… Thank you so much!!! *glomps Yahiko*

Kenkaya Zanza:
rainbow i can’t believe u just did that!!!

Kenjutsu Komachi:
*returns the scythe to Rainbow*

Sexy Fox Bitch:
-jumps on Komachi while she’s not looking, injects her-

Rurouni:
Oro?

Amber Wolf:
Rainbow Scythe, I did NOT ask you to kiss me.

King Of Hell:
And if I can beat YOU, will you leave me alone?

Super Samurai 94783:
No prob.

Amber Wolf:
King Of Hell, I suggest that if you can defeat him he should transfer his affections to Cognitively Defunct.

Kenjutsu Komachi:
*rips needle out of arm* what the hell was that?

Kenkaya Zanza:
WHAT THE FUCK?!?

Rainbow Scythe:
:: winks at Zanza :: Hey, that’s a good idea! I get a boyfriend either way!

Sexy Fox Bitch:
You just look so tense, Komachi… I thought you could use a sedactive.

King of Hell:
Once again, Amber Wolf, I like the way you think.

Sexy Fox Bitch:
*sedative

Kenjutsu Komachi:
I need a weapon! Somebody give me a weapon!

Kenkaya Zanza:
NO

Rainbow Scythe:
Yay! :: dances ::

Amber Wolf:
I would, Kenjutsu, but I’m afraid you’d accidentally hurt someone important.

Queen of Hell:
For god’s sake, Rainbow, stop dancing.

Super Samurai 94783:
LOL, Wolf

King of Hell:
Amber Wolf, the only important people in here are well-capable of defending themselves.

Rurouni:
Kenjutsu, Fox, why are you two fighting anyway?

Kenkaya Zanza:
I M NOT A PRIZE FOR U RAINBOY SCYTHE

Rainbow Scythe:
All right, here we go! :: attacks King of Hell :: (Rainboy, Zanza? that’s a pretty good name for me!)

Amber Wolf:
You do have a point, your majesty, but she might also accidentally destroy the weapon while she was at it.

King of Hell:
*easily evades Rainbow Scythe’s clumsy attack*

Sexy Fox Bitch:
Rurouni, if you don’t know, I don’t think either of uss will explain it to you. And you know you can call me Sexy, right?

Sexy Fox Bitch:
*us

Kenjutsu Komachi:
Amber, just give me your sword before I kick you out of my chat!!

Queen of Hell:
Kenjutsu, I have a tantou you could use…

Rainbow Scythe:
Ah, but don’t forget that the ball will swing and strike you even if you evade the attack!

Kenkaya Zanza:
she just calle du Amber

Sexy Fox Bitch:
-snuggles Rurouni-

Kenjutsu Komachi:
Thanks, Queen, but not enough range. I want Amber’s sword.

Kenkaya Zanza:
Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber

Amber Wolf:
Zanza, what is so interesting about that word?

King of Hell:
*cuts the ball off Rainbow Scythe’s chain*

Kenjutsu Komachi:
BITCH!

Rurouni:
Oro

Kenkaya Zanza:
cause it’s a girl’s name

Sexy Fox Bitch:
Yes?

Super Samurai 94783:
LOL, Zanza

Rainbow Scythe:
No! Not my ball and chain!! :: attacks King of Hell again ::

Amber Wolf:
Hmm, you’re right.

Aoshi’s Girl Forever!!!:
YAHIKO >.<

Kenkaya Zanza:
Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber

Kenjutsu Komachi:
GET

Kenjutsu Komachi:
OFF

King of Hell:
*dodges again, makes sword flame*

Super Samurai 94783:
What, Aoshi’s girl?

Sexy Fox Bitch:
Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!! Do you really mean that, Komachi??

Aoshi’s Girl Forever!!!:
WEASELS AND THEIR NATURAL PREDATORS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Kenkaya Zanza:
Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber

Kenjutsu Komachi:
NOT LIKE HTAT

Kenjutsu Komachi:
THAT

Rainbow Scythe:
I knew you were as flaming as I am! Hee! :: attacks ::

Amber Wolf:
That’s getting annoying, Zanza.

Sexy Fox Bitch:
Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!

Kenjutsu Komachi:
Zanza stop that

Aoshi’s Girl Forever!!!:
IS THIS A JOKE DO YOU THINK IT’S SO FUNNY TO SEND ME TO A WEBSITE ABOUT THAT WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM YOU LITTLE BRAT *THROWS 999999 KUNAI AT YAHIKO AND BEATS HIM UP*

Queen of Hell:
Not funny, Rainbow.

Kenkaya Zanza:
Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber

Sexy Fox Bitch:
-kisses Rurouni-

King of Hell:
*slices Rainbow Scythe to pieces*

Super Samurai 94783:
Hey, Aoshi’s girl, I never looked at the site just sent you to it! It’s Aoshi’s damn website, not mine!! *beats Aoshi’s girl with shinai*

Amber Wolf:
*stabs Zanza*

Kenjutsu Komachi:
BITCH I will fight you with my bare hands!!

Kenkaya Zanza:
WHAT u can’t stab me!! i’ll kick your ass with my ZANBATOU

Aoshi’s Girl Forever!!!:
DIE, YAHIKO!!!!!

Kenjutsu Komachi:
*attacks Bitch*

Rainbow Scythe:
Hey!

Amber Wolf:
*kills Zanza*

King of Hell:
*sets fire to Rainbow Scythe’s corpse*

Kenkaya Zanza:
WHAT

Rurouni:
ORO?!

This program has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down



Originally this was going to be a graphic fic, but it was too much of a pain in the ass to make, so it ended up just prose. The one thing I regret about that is that in the graphic version, you got to see Aoshi’s screen name — “Not Misao’s Man” — on the list of Kaoru’s contacts that weren’t signed on.

Over the years since this was first posted, many people have been under the mistaken impression that this is an actual transcript from a chat where various people were casually role-playing RK characters. While this is flattering to me (sort of), it’s not the case. I wrote this. The typos, stylistic differences, and idiocy are all intentional. If it feels like a real chat, I win.

I’ve rated this story . What do you think of it?

This story is included in the Rurouni Kenshin Collection ebook.

2 Replies to “RKAIM”

  1. I honestly wish I recorded myself reading this because I was laughing so fucking hard and sounding extremely obnoxious. XDDDD This was legit how chats were like…Christ. lol And every single one of these people would talk exactly like this and choose those names. ahahahaha Amazing. I can’t even tell you what I liked best because I loved it all and laughed the whole way through. Thank you~! :D

    1. When I was rereading this recently in order to give it a star rating, it occurred to me just how specifically early-2000’s it is. I absolutely prefer having a fixed time for a story, so it’s not like that’s a problem… but younger readers may come along and get absolutely nothing from this XD XD XD

      Anyway, I’m super happy you felt this was so accurate, and that it made you laugh so much! Thanks very much!!

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