Saitou didn’t usually listen to the radio, especially not when he had a headache, especially not in his car, and especially not when he was on the phone.
…one day, summer afternoon, just me, nothing much to do…
But the fact that he’d dialed the number mostly against his will, calling someone he didn’t want to be thinking about in the first place but hadn’t been able to stop thinking about all day, had made him desperate — his scheme was that, even if the moron was awake and decided to answer, and even if he sounded completely irresistible over the phone, the music would be distracting enough that Saitou would be able to get away with just giving him a hard time, annoying and confusing him, and not asking him out.
…then he swayed on by me, brown hair and a wicked body…
Saitou changed the station with a frown. The main reason he didn’t listen to the radio was that he hated just about everything everyone played.
…my love, my love, where have you been? my love, my love, where did you go?
Three rings. One more would be a good excuse to hang up.
No such luck. A tired voice, frustrated and surprised: “It’s fucking midnight, man, and I already told you everything I know, like, a hundred times, and you even wrote it down… what the hell do you want now?”
…my love, my love, what have you seen? my love, you’re such an idiot…
“I don’t recall giving you my cell number.” If ever man spoke in the tone of a raised eyebrow, it was Saitou. “How did you know it was me calling? Or do you always answer the phone like that?”
An uncomfortable silence ensued on the other end of the line, followed by the slight clearing of a throat.
…like an idiot… I run around like a chicken with its head cut off…
“You are aware that stalking is a felony?” Saitou pursued with a smirk that, like the raised eyebrow, was evident in his voice; he changed the radio station again.
…you’re too young to love me, and I’m too old for you…
“Well, I just…”
…at least that’s what they tell us; it’s in their book of rules…
“What exactly did you think to accomplish by stealing my cell number? You can’t have been planning to call me at any point.”
…that you’re too young, too young, baby, you’re too young…
Saitou changed the station again even as the other voice said in gruff embarrassment, “Well, maybe I…”
…oh my pretty, pretty boy, I need you…
“Unless there’s some detail you neglected to mention in reference to my case?”
…oh my pretty, pretty boy, I do… let me inside…
Saitou jabbed the ‘seek’ button a little harder than usual this time.
“No! man! I told you! I’m so fucking sick of that shit… I even told you what kind of shoelaces the bastard had… can’t you fucking leave me alone?”
…when you look at me with those brown eyes, what do you want to do?
“If you wanted me to leave you alone, why ever did you have my number?”
…do you have to have me the way that I want you?
“OK, why the fuck did you call me? I mean, did you have anything real to say, or did you just want to give me shit like always?”
…I want you…
He changed the station again, but it was obviously futile. As hard as he’d tried not to have anything real to say, it seemed fate and/or the radio had other ideas. So much for his great strategy of distracting himself. “As a matter of fact, I was calling to see if you wanted to go eat somewhere; I just finished work.”
“Kid, I know you can’t say no to free food and possibly alcohol.”
“I don’t… want to say no… I’m just trying to figure out if you’re seriou–hey, you’re a cop and I am so too young to drink.”
“Too young to purchase alcohol. And I’m an investigator, not a street cop.”
“Hn. Are you at home?”
“Why; you know where I live?”
“You’re a witness; of course I have your address on file.”
“You know stalking’s a felony, right?”
…here they come to snuff the rooster…
“I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
…yeah, here come the rooster…
“I’ll be ready.”
…you know he ain’t gonna die…
Ending the call with a shake of his head and a slight smile, Saitou set the phone down and turned the radio up.
The first time I heard that song about snuffing the rooster, I was like, Hmmm, how can I use this? And finally the idea came to me of driving Saitou crazy with songs that would remind him of Sano. Now, how likely it is that Saitou would actually find all or even most of these songs playing on any station anywhere (not to mention why nobody was on commercials as 90% of radio stations are 90% of the time), I don’t know. I just used what I needed. In order of appearance, those are:
Brown Haired Boy by Sweetbox, Idiot by Coldplay, Too Young by Elton John, Pretty Boy by M2M, Brown Eyes by Fleetwood Mac, and Rooster by Alice in Chains.
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This story is included in the Saitou/Sano Collection 1 ebook.