I’m sitting on the edge of the porch, and with the angle of the wind, the storm is coming down right into my face. Hell, I’m looking up into it, and only closing my eyes when I really can’t stand it.
I think he just got home, and I should really go inside to him… pretty sad when you don’t even welcome your own lover home, isn’t it? But I don’t want to talk to him. I don’t want to see him. I get like this sometimes… it’ll pass. Sex will help… though that requires me to actually go in there…
He and I have been together for a long time now… ever since Kenshin got married. That same night, actually, was our first time. But he’d wanted me a long time before that. Good to see that someone has what he wants, I guess. I should add that it’s good to have exactly what I need, too… but in this kind of mood, the kind where I’d rather sit out in the rain than go in and pretend any more, I just can’t.
He’s perfect for me. He’s strong, he’s energetic, he’s smart, he’s loyal, he’s good. He keeps me in line and inspires me to be a better person. He always knows exactly the right thing to say to me at any given moment, especially if I’m being stupid or stubborn; he’s unfailingly logical and practical. Sometimes I hate him for that. But I respect him too much to really hate him. I like him too much.
But I don’t love him.
Fuck knows I’ve tried… tried my damnedest to give up, to forget, to move on, to let this be the perfect match that it should be, that he wants it to be… but giving up, forgetting, and moving on are a few things I’ve always been particularly bad at. And someone else was there first.
The back door slides open and he steps onto the porch. “What are you doing out here?” he wonders.
I look over at him, and I can’t think of anything to say. I may hate him sometimes, but I would never want to hurt him. Not like that, anyway; not that much; not anymore.
“Sano, are you all right?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I finally manage. “Rain’s just a little depressing, is all.”
He rolls his eyes. “Then don’t sit out in it, ahou.” And he gestures that I should come to him.
See what I said? Logical, practical, always knows what to say to me, even if he might not realize that the decision he’s telling me to make is about more than just the weather. If the rain’s depressing, don’t sit out in it: it’s that simple. And I bet it would be just that for him: a decision, and a simple one at that. If the rain’s depressing, make the choice not to sit out in it, not to be depressed by it. He has that kind of will power. As for me… well, I thought I was strong, but…
“Yeah, you’re right,” I reply, standing up and shaking water from my hair and stepping toward his outstretched hand.
As for me…
I accompany my lover inside.
Even if I don’t sit out in the rain, that doesn’t stop it from falling.
imillien won the Quote Guessy Game and requested “Sano in a relationship with Saitou but not necessary in love with him.” This was ridiculously painful, but somehow I wrote it anyway. It’s like the end of He Can Be Taught gone horribly wrong. I’ll never get tired of the Saitou/Sano/Kenshin triangle, it’s true, but this… this was almost too much.
Aaaaand at the same time it’s fucking brilliant. What can I say? I’m a genius. It helped that I was in the throes of some heartache of my own as I was writing it. Real life channels into some damn good fiction some of the time.
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This story is included in the Saitou/Sano Collection 2 ebook.