I’m sitting on the edge of the porch, and with the angle of the wind, the storm is coming down right into my face. Hell, I’m looking up into it, and only closing my eyes when I seriously can’t stand it.

He just got home, I think. I should really go inside to him. Pretty sad when you don’t even welcome your own lover home, isn’t it? But I don’t want to talk to him. I don’t want to see him. I get like this sometimes… it’ll pass. Sex will help… though that requires me to actually go in there…

He and I have been together for a long time now… ever since Kenshin got married. That same night, actually, was our first time. But he wanted me for a long time before that. Good to see someone has what he wants, I guess. I should add it’s good to have exactly what I need, too… but in this kind of mood, the kind where I’d rather sit out in the rain than go in and pretend any more, I just can’t.

He’s perfect for me. He’s strong, he’s energetic, he’s smart, he’s loyal, he’s good. He keeps me in line and inspires me to be a better person. He always knows exactly the right thing to say to me at any given moment, especially if I’m being stupid or stubborn; he’s unfailingly logical and practical. Sometimes I hate him for that. But I respect him too much to really hate him. I like him too much.

But I don’t love him.

Fuck knows I’ve tried… tried my damnedest to give up, to forget, to move on, to let this be the perfect match it should be, that he wants it to be… but giving up, forgetting, and moving on are a few things I’ve always been particularly bad at. And someone else was there first.

The back door slides open and he steps onto the porch. “What are you doing out here?” he wonders.

I look over at him, and I can’t think of anything to say. I may hate him sometimes, but I would never want to hurt him. Not like that, anyway; not that much; not anymore.

“Sano, are you all right?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I finally manage. “Rain’s just a little depressing, is all.”

He rolls his eyes. “Then don’t sit out in it, ahou.” And he gestures for me to come to him.

See what I said? Logical, practical, always knows what to say to me, even if he might not realize the decision he’s telling me to make is about more than just the weather. If the rain’s depressing, don’t sit out in it, ahou: it’s that simple. And I bet it would be just that for him: a decision, and a simple one. If the rain’s depressing, make the choice not to sit out in it, not to be depressed by it. He has that kind of will power. As for me… well, I thought I was strong, but…

“Yeah, you’re right,” I reply, standing up and shaking water from my hair and stepping toward his outstretched hand.

As for me…

I accompany my lover inside.

Even if I don’t sit out in the rain, that doesn’t stop it from falling.

Geez, what a sad story. It’s like the end of He Can Be Taught gone horribly wrong. I wrote it because imillien beat me at the Quote-Guessy Game and requested “Sano in relationship with Saitou but not necessary in love with him. Like sometimes we are with people we know are good for us and we respect them but not always in love with them.” I’ve rated this fic .

This story is included in the Saitou & Sano Collection ebook (.zip file contains .pdf, .mobi, and .epub formats).


  1. ladyames

    wow, don’t know if i should feel sorry for sano or saito. i guess it should be both. as always, great. very emotional.

    • momentsdrift

      Yeah, they’re both suffering in this one. I specifically wrote it from Sano’s POV so it wouldn’t be quite so painful as it could have been :D

      • ladyames

        ah, i can imagine saito would be none to happy to find out what is really going on in sano’s head.

        • momentsdrift

          *growls at Sano* I will never let Saitou find out.

          Well, actually, the problem is, he’s too smart to stay fooled forever.


          • ladyames

            i guess in this case he may be too smart for his own good. boy, it usually saito thats the one fooling, not the one being fooled. *sigh* sometimes these boys just don’t get it.

  2. Anonymous


    me likes it don’t have enough time to say what was the best in it but i look forward to reading the others and i hope this is the first hits of many c u later

    greg :P

  3. e_witness

    Wow, it actually felt kind of blasphemous to read that. :P But, I’m a bit of an angst-whore, and this was so well-written. “Even if I don’t sit out in the rain, that doesn’t stop it from falling.” So, so beautiful.

    • momentsdrift

      I know, isn’t it horrible???? Aaugh. I like to hope that Sano will eventually get over Kenshin and then realize that, just under the surface, he’s really been in love with Saitou all along. Still, I’m glad you liked it :D Thanks very much!

  4. plaidshirtjimkirk

    This was brilliantly written and super emotional. D: I feel so sad for them both…that’s such a shitty situation to be in. Anyway, despite Sano’s angst and unhappiness, I loved this so much…especially when Saito gives him practical advice that applies to both his physical and mental states. Thank you!!

    • kuroiyousei

      Ah, it’s horrible but beautiful, isn’t it? So damn close to what we want (and what Saitou wants!!) but seemingly destined never to be!! Still, I kinda like to imagine Sano pulling his head out of his ass after not too much longer and coming to the HCBT realization in this setting too. I know I didn’t really set it up with much hope for that, but I can dream, right? I mean, it’s my story, right??? T__T

      Anyway, I’m glad you liked it despite its utter misery XD Thanks for all your comments!


Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published.