This is what happens when I read a lot of manga just before bed and then go to sleep in terrible pain.

So my family (fictitious family) had just moved into this big old mansion with huge grounds. So huge, in fact, that there was a wilderness in the back yard. To begin the haunted house trend, nobody who’d ever gone into that wilderness had come out alive. At least, not in recent record. And the neighbors (yeth, neighbors to all sides of the grounds and wilderness; this was a giant mansion in the suburbs) put up evil-warding totems at the property line. Anyway, so this mansion was of the sort that, though from without it just looked like a bigbig house, was so enormous inside, and kept changing around so much, that nobody could actually realistically explore the place. I’m not sure whether we knew all this when we moved in, but move in we did. We were super rich, BTW.

So. The real story starts when my family has gone out for dinner or shopping or something, leaving me (supposedly) alone in the house. I start to explore, and as I’m coming upon rooms and areas I’d not seen before, I’m starting to find, bizarrely, signs of people living there. I realize eventually that sometimes people come to this place and get lost in it… they can’t find the exit, so they end up living there for years and years. So there are actually a whole bunch of little communities inside this house. I seem to have cool powers awakening (because what dream of mine would be complete if I couldn’t fly?), and perhaps that’s the reason that I’m able to find my way around with ease.

Then this cat shows up, who seems to be fleeing from something. I’m starting to recover memories of some stuff I was involved with and a destiny I’m supposed to have (obviously why my powers are awakening), and I realize that this is Tokio’s sister, whom we failed to rescue. Wondering who ‘we’ is, I grab the cat and take her back to Tokio. Tokio, in this dream, BTW, is male, and I make him wear a collar. Anyway, there’s this touching cat reunion, and I finally remember that the evil lady wanted to use the sister cat in her unholy experiments to revive her demon husband. I’m kinda freaking out at this point because I’m still only remembering bits and pieces of this destiny of mine and am not sure whether evil lady is still around or what.

Well, I start to explore the house some more, and people start trying to kill me. I kick their asses. More memories are returning, and I’m realizing that evil lady’s base of operations is, in fact, in this house. Why go west, after all, when you’ve got a mansion big enough to contain your entire story? Oh, and if we run out of space, don’t forget the wilderness in the back yard. Anyway, I deem that my subconscious desire to defeat the evil lady must have been what encouraged me to get my family to move in here. I also remember that I and my lover (who actually happens to be the daughter of the evil lady and the demon she’s trying to revive), were fighting together against the evil lady, and my lover got captured. Now the evil lady is going to revive the demon and have him impregnate their daughter in order to birth some even greater monster into existence that will destroy the world. This will, of course, first torment and then kill her. And then destroy the world.

So now I’m searching for evil lady with a mad passion, fighting off the assassins and house-hobos, and eventually I find her. I attack her for a while, but it’s absolutely futile; my awesome powers do nothing whatsoever to her, to the point where she’s just going about her business basically ignoring me as I try various things to kill her. And then she and I have this bizarre conversation about the actual impregnation part of this plan. She’s very vindictive toward her daughter, and is looking forward to the pain the demon will cause her: the demon, when he’s revived, is going to be a good deal bigger than he was before, and sex won’t be a comfortable experience for the daughter, who cannot change shape or size. Anyway, normally conversations in my dreams are concept- rather than dialogue-driven, not very clear at the time, and definitely not something I can remember word for word when I wake up. But at this point she and I distinctly had this exchange:

“Well, you enjoyed sex with him, right?” said I.

“Ohh, yes,” said she, with a fond, pleased expression.

“So maybe she will too.” (Disregarding the fact that this is her father; I was very cool and collected at this point in the dream, despite being horrified for my lover’s sake and frustrated that I couldn’t kill evil lady)

“I’ve already explained to you why that’s physically impossible,” she replied, looking smug.

“Well, maybe she can just use a lot of lube,” I suggested. I guess at this point I was despairing of being able to rescue my lover before the resurrection and impregnation happened, and was just trying to figure out how to spare her the pain.

The evil lady shuddered, and in my dream it was plain to me that she, for some reason, was totally squicked at the idea of sex with lube.

“Hey, some people like it that way,” I said.

She rolled her eyes and turned away from me.

There were some house-hobos watching from a distance (I had a sort of following by this time), and here I turned away also to face them and said, “Negotiations have failed!” as if to make it look like we’d been, rather than talking about giant demon dicks and incest, actually trying to solve the dispute between us.

Evil lady left, and as I started to look for her again my 11-year-old brother showed up. He told me that somebody who’d been trapped in this house for years had somehow managed to contact the mass media, and they wanted a sort of press conference/interview with our family. Seems our family is being blamed for all the people who’ve ever gone missing in the house or on the grounds, despite the fact that we’d just moved in. Anyway, my father had refused to talk to them, so the duty fell on me to explain things. I get on the phone with these people, and they’re talking to me as if I’m a terrorist who’s got this person hostage. The fact was brought up that sometimes this trapped person would order pizza or Chinese food from their part of the house, and when the delivery guy came, we’d pay for it out of courtesy even though we hadn’t ordered it. I can’t quite remember what relevance this had, though, other than that I always dream about food. Anyway, I was eager to get off the phone with these guys and get back to trying to defeat evil lady and rescue my lover, but it’s against policy to hang up on someone while they’re still talking about the issue to hand. Plus I can’t give out my last name. This was about when I woke up, so I’m not sure what was going to happen to my poor lover, or the house-hobos.

So that was a pretty cool dream.