I am still up! I am going to be up, like, all day for reals beeecause I am going to see Lady in the Water wis Fiddychan at NINETEEN FORTY-FIVE. How insane is that? If it were anything but a Shyamalan movie (actually, I’d do it for a Harry Potter movie too), I would not. Anyway, I figured that as long as I’m sitting here being insanely tired and tiredly insane, I might as well post about the stuff I found in the bottom of one of my boxes. It was one box that had not been unpacked for, like, years.

So back in the day at McDonald’s we had this messaging system on the computer. It was like a primitive email. We could send messages to each other or to everyone. Sometimes we were not the most professional of all peoples. I used to print out some messages and save them because they were freaking funny. Some of them were just typo-funny like, “SARAH CAN YOU GO GET DOPIES OF THE DAILY INVENTORY SHEET PLEASE,” but some of them were just death by amusement. Unfortunately I don’t have most of the ones I remember, but I do have these (please note that the system automatically put them in all caps):

THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE DATED 09/09/02 AT 00:15 IS FROM BRIAN B
SUBJECT: PESTS
MOUSE = UNSANITARY, UNSANITARY = SHUT DOWN, SHUT DOWN = NO MONEY;
ORKIN = DEAD, DEAD = SANITARY, SANITARY = OPEN, OPEN = MONEY
SARAH THIS IS YOUR REMINDER
BRIAN

THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE DATED 09/10/02 AT 19:36 IS FROM JUAN R
SUBJECT: BRIAN =…..
BRIAN = DAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
DAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH = DUMB
THEREFORE BRIAN = DUMB
THIS IS YOUR REMINDER
THANK YOU

THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE DATED 09/10/02 AT 19:38 IS FROM JUAN R
SUBJECT: BRIAN IT WAS A JOKE
HEY IT WAS A JOKE SO DONT GET BUTTHURT ALRIGHT!!!!!!!
THANK YOU

Also there is this sheet of how to prepare the chocolate dip for when we had dipped cones (WHICH WERE FUCKING HELL, WORSE THAN ANYTHING ELSE WE EVER SOLD). I saved it because it’s pretty damn funny….

Start-up Procedures

1. Check to make sure the Cone Dip is 100°F
2. Place the clean ladles back in the warming unit
3. Stir the Cone Dip ten (10) times around in a clockwise direction.
4. You are ready to start dipping cones

Serving Procedures

1. Make a soft serve ice cream cone as per standard procedures
2. Take cone over to the Cone Dip Warming Unit
3. Using the ladle, stir the Cone Dip two (2) times around in a clockwise direction before each use.
4. Hold the ice cream cone over the Dip
5. Turn the cone over, ice cream down, and dip the ice cream cone into the product leaving 1/4″ of ice cream showing
6. Hold the ice cream cone in Dip and count 1 McDonald’s, 2 McDonald’s, 3 McDonald’s
7. Remove cone from the Dip and hold over the Dip and allow excess to drip back into the can until it stops dripping (a few seconds)
8. Turn cone over, ice cream up, and present to the customer.

Shutdown Procedure

1. Keep the warming unit plugged in, set at 100°. Never unplug the warming unit and always keep it set at 100°
2. Remove ladles and clean
3. Put the lid down over the product – FLAT

OK, so that was awesome. I had forgotten just how funny that was. I’m freaking glad I saved that. The last one is just a poster that says, “Position Open: Playplace Maitanance Person – Position open immediately. For more information or if interested please see a manager ASAP.” I wish I had more McDonald’s stuff. What a trip.