Monday, I believe (and am too lazy to check), was the last time I posted. After work that day my mother took me to Subway where I had the most delicious bacon samich wis extra bacon. Oh, looks like it’s time to add “samich” and “wis” to FireFox’s spellchecker. Two very important words in my vocabulary, they are. Anyway, whilst eating delicious Subway foods and discussing Elizabeth Peters (who is teh kickass, and “teh” is also a very important word), it came out that I had no salt to put on my rice. This bothered my mother unnecessarily, and she insisted on taking me to a grocery store and buying me food. I really am not doing badly financially, and I have plenty to eat (though mostly thanks to my dad deciding to stock my cupboards when I moved in here months ago and lots of that still being around), so I protested a few times… but eventually one doesn’t turn down free foods. At the store she kept encouraging me to buy stuff that she never would have bought for me when I lived in her house… unhealthy stuff and impractical stuff… it was amusing. I got caramel pudding snacces, which I actually managed to stretch out to last, like, two days. They were so delicious.
Tuesday. Well. Tuesday is the reason I haven’t posted since Monday, as I have this infuriating habit of not posting about anything meaningful or emotional until long after the fact. Or at least several days after the fact. And often at that point it’s just a couple of lines mentioning that it happened for future reference. Irritates me to no end years later when I’m looking back at something. So now I’m making very sure to actually record my thoughts while they are still relatively fresh, which, as I recall, is the point of a journal.
Anyway. Carolyn emailed me and expressed some regrets about our break-up a little over a year ago. This had me greatly agitated, because I’ve had no end of regrets about our break-up a little over a year ago. I was waiting, patiently or otherwise, for the day that I would be “over” her and able to move on, and it wasn’t coming. People kept telling me that it takes at least half the time that the relationship did to be over the relationship, but I wasn’t seeing it. Eventually I’d given up getting over it and just started to pretend I was over it in the hopes(?) that eventually I would be, but inside it was still driving me crazy. The fact is that I’ve been in love with her all along and it just wasn’t something I could shrug off. Well, turns out she was having much the same dilemma. So we’ve decided to try again, and see what we can do to overcome the difficulties that separate(d) us.
This is the most amazing thing. Every moment of living is so much better since then. Knowing that she still cares about me changes everything like I never even thought it could. You know how when people who have been heavy smokers quit, they describe it as a life-altering experience in ways they didn’t expect? How food tastes better and breathing feels better and every small aspect of their life is suddenly improved and they hadn’t even realized it needed improvement? That’s what it feels like now. Everything is better.
Over the last year I’ve been mostly… well, I’m not even really sure how I behaved. I just know that I felt sad and awkward talking to her in any setting (e.g. livejournal, email, whatever), and therefore avoided it… and now I can do it again. Not that it probably seems that meaningful to share my random thoughts on toilet paper with her and tell her about what I’m eating for lunch and inanity like that at any given moment, but, hell, that kind of stupid thing’s important to me, and it makes a difference.
What the hell happened Wednesday? I can’t remember. I probably went to work. I emailed Carolyn. I probably did some stuff after work. I was a little distracted.
I think I was alive Thursday too. Work and shit. And I emailed Carolyn ^__^ Oh! I should mention that I did manage to work an extra hour every weekday except Tuesday. Tuesday I was a little anxious to get home.
After work on Friday I had to go grocery shopping. As I’d signed up for some overtime early Saturday (today), I had to be home and in bed not too long after I was finished wis work, and I would have preferred not to spend my only free time of the day going to the store… but I needed cat food, and that is somewhat essential. So I went to the store. It was cold out, but walking in a trench coat and a backpack makes one’s torso unbearably hot, and it’s really stupid and annoying. I’ll be wearing gloves and a hat and a scarf to keep my extremities from freezing, but I’ll have my coat open because my torso is so uncomfortably warm. Anyway, I got some stuff, came home, showered, and went to bed. But before going to bed I realized that I was terribly hungry, and ate some garlic cheesy bread that I had. BAD IDEA. When I woke up today, there was the world’s worst, most persistent and pervasive taste in my mouth. Like O_o bad. I have even eaten since then and the taste is still there. But that’s–
So I got up early and went to work for a half-shift of overtime ^__^ Yay more moneys! Those are necessary for any type of destruction of long distances. It was SO COLD walking today. Part of this was because yesterday my tights that I always wear under my pants to keep my legs warm(er) got all sweaty and I put them in my laundry basket and didn’t feel like wearing them today. I should have, even if they were gross. Part of it was because I walked to work at midnight and home at 4, so there was no sun up either way. Also, I thought about wearing a long-sleeved shirt, but then for some reason decided I didn’t need to. But I really actually truly did need to. So at work Gregory and Sharon (that’s her name) were also doing overtime. Did I mention I got Gregory hooked on Puzzle Pirates? Heh. Puzzle Pirates kicks so much ass.
So today I’ve read two awesome fics (one Saitou/Sano and one Ban/Akabane) and been happy, still have a truly nasty taste in my mouth, and will now proceed to do some coloration on a drawing I finished one of those days I can’t remember this week ^__^ Happiness.