K, you have no idea how many times a day I tell someone to push the “very top left-hand button,” sometimes adding “at the very top on the left” just for good measure, and having them ask me, “You mean the green one?” or “You mean the OK key?” or “The number one?” — none of which are the key I’m referring to; the key I’m referring to is, in fact, the one at the very top on the left. Above the green one, to the left of the OK, and definitely not close to the number one. How is this a difficult concept, exactly?? Today it took eleven tries for this guy to get his phone programmed. We’d get to a certain point and I’d say, “Now I need you to clear out the numbers on the screen by pressing the ‘back’ key. That’s right above the number three and it says ‘back’ on it.” And every single time he would press the “OK” key. Every single time.

Another thing that drives me crazy is when I ask for a customer’s “cell phone number” and they think I said “social number.” Why the fuck would I say “social number??” Especially given that we’re a prepaid company and our customers don’t ever provide their social security numbers. It’s such pain in the ass, too, since a social is only one digit shorter than a phone number, so when they rattle off their social I assume I just missed a digit and ask them to repeat it. It wastes so much time. If I just ask for their “phone number,” they don’t make this mistake… but then half the time they give me their fucking home phone. Why are people so stupid???

I’m not really grouchy today. Here, I’ll prove it. Remember in Bride and Prejudice when he said that “some of them have even turned to the lesbian?” Ever since that, whenever I see a “the” that strikes me as somewhat unnecessary, I tend to replace the word after it wis “lesbian.” For instance, at work there’s some stupid dry erase board that tells how many people got “E” calls the previous day. Today it said, “We got 10, so we know we have the potential!” So I read it as “We got 10, so we know we have the lesbian!”

Someone on my team is named Ward Hunt. Like a Ward Picnic or a Ward Camping Trip, you know?

A customer today called the hourglass “that thing that you flip it upside down and it’s got sand in it.” Not the funniest ever, but I decided to record it anyway.

OK, back to vampies.