I stopped posting about my constant influx of “free money if you give us money” letters a long time ago since it got un-funny after about the first million. But this one I kept for a long time because it was hilarious — it’s my favorite I’ve ever received — and now I shall finally report on it so I can throw it away. It would be easier for me to just scan it, but I’m too lazy to take all the stuff off my scanner, so I’ll type it out exactly as it appears on paper. Here is what it says:
HOLY COW ! A BRAND NEW CAR OR CASH OR OTHER AWARD
FOR Jennifer Deford?
I have a good friend who’s a big – shot LAWYER ! I ASKED HIM ;
” HOW CAN THEY SEND Qualified Winner A Brand New Car or Cash ???!!”
HE SAID : “IT’S really true ! I CHECKED IT OUT ! !
Dear Jennifer Deford:
HELLO , Jennifer Deford , my name is Steve …
If you’re like me, you get lots of letter in the mail promising you that you have won big prizes or lots of money. A lot of times , I would get excited and send in the coupons , and then I would never hear from them again ! SO DISAPPOINTING !
One of my close friends is a LAWYER , so I decided to show all the letters to him first, before I sent in my money.
I got a letter, much like this one, from M.V. Award. I showed the letter to my lawyer/friend, and I asked him: “Can this Be True ? Will I really receive one of the following Items. A BRAND NEW CAR or (cash equivalent the car value) ? A 18kt Gold Diamond Bracelet / A $3,500.00 Expenditure Certificates ? A 18kt White Gold Diamond Ring ? A Digital Camera ?” He studied the letter for at least 15 minutes, then he broke out in a big smile !
“You know, Steve,” he said, “I’ve seen a lot of these letters, and I am really impressed with this one ! I have read everything they said in the entire letter, even the small print, and I want to tell you that it’s 100% legal !”
” IN FACT, SPEAKING AS A LAWYER , I AM SURE THAT THEY ARE REQUIRED BY LAW TO SEND THE PRIZE TO YOU !” “You can take that to the bank”.
He showed me my title number above . “If you have a number and you send them the required fee of $20 You are 100% GUARANTEED to receive your item !”
This letter is not a JOKE. YOU HAVE WON! As the saying … “USE IT OR LOSE IT”, which in This case means, send in your above motor vehicle/award form and get your AWARD.