OK, I was looking for an old post of mine about anime, so I ended up rereading lots of my posts about anime and manga. And some of the comments I’ve made are so incredibly funny (to me, at least) that I decided to make a collection of the ones I find most amusing. In chronological order; some of these are only funny in retrospect since they were made halfway through things or before I’d watched such-and-such. I was going to organize them by fandom, but it’s better to read them in the mixed-up order of original posting. Some of them are hilariously obscure, even more so when they were the entire entry………..

All right, here it is, the big confession that I’ve been meaning to make for some time:

I don’t consider Yohji blonde!!!!!

Wai!! Usui!! He’s just so kakkoi!!

Am I the only person on the fucking planet who thinks that Kenshin is NOT AN UKE?!?!?

The second part of Seisou Hen downloaded, and I watched it just now without having seen the first. To it (and in this, though it may be cheating, I include the first part as well), I have but one thing to say: “Omae no subete wo hiteishite yaru.”

We are just a dreamer… and I know who I’m dreaming about… unfortunately, it’s for just one minute every 24 hours.

I have no clue who Dorothy is, but I want to steal her away and gnaw on her sexy eyebrows and other parts of her. Plenty of references to these Treize and Zechs people, but still no clue who they are. Must have died in the series or something.

. . . Whyfore does the creature turn into a jeep…?

Tomorrow I will eat Kakashi.

Is it just me, or does Gojyo hit on Sanzo non-stop…?

THEY ARE ALL SO GAY.

She’s no more annoying than any other shounen anime lead female who falls inexplicably in love at first sight and then runs around putting herself in danger trying to insert herself into the guy’s life.

He’s like, gun! and she’s like curtsy! and suddenly they’re dancing. I think she has magical powers. OH EM EFF GEE, I can picture her dress!!! *sniggers*

Zechs = TEH HOT and “Tallgeese” = teh I am dying of laughter every time they say it.

Ngyee hee. Everiun is taking turns going crazy in Wing Zero ^__^

I am having motherly instincts about Quatre. Including the urge to dress him up in a million different outfits.

Goddammit, not stupid Catharine again. Where is Duo. I want Duo. *pouts*

There is more shameless posing in this show’s opening sequences than there is in any other two series put together.

Zechs is hot and Dorothy is off her nut. Sally’s name is Po because that’s what her hair looks like from the back. Did I mention Dorothy is crazy…?

Duo seems pretty happy and excited at the idea of fighting Heero and Trowa at once. Oh, I love him. I like how they all have matching flight suit items now. So much cute.

Everywhere you look it’s like, DEATH BY HAIR LOVE.

OK, so Ren shows up wis his phallic ugly hair and runs into Yoh for the very first time, and they stop in the middle of the street to greet each other. And what is Ren’s opening line? He says, and I kid you not, “I see you have a good tool. I hope you know how to use it well.” This is after they said that Amidamaru “slashed many people.” It lent a whole new (OK, not that new, but now just that much closer to canon) depth to my enjoyment of the series.

That little dragon still turns into a jeep.

If Conchi and Ponchi were under my control, I think I’d tie them up and throw them in a well or something.

And speaking of Amidamaru and Mosuke, could they make that veil any thinner if they tried??

I really want to see more of Hakkai without his clothes power limiter. Mou.

Pairings I’m craving today: Pailon/Jun (necrophilia!!!!!), Horohoro/Pirika (incest!!!!!!!!!), Bason/Amidamaru (manly postmortem bonding!!!!!!!!!!), and OMG OMG OMG YOH/REN (GAHOLYFUCKGAH). I love everything. Manga is still better.

I don’t remember the last time every other moment of a series brought such a giant happy bubble into my heart. It’s actually not the best thing to read at work for that very reason, because half the time when a call comes through I’m just starting to laugh really hard at something (or squee myself to death because Sanzo and Hakkai are talking like a married couple with rowdy children again).

Together we determined that the entire point of the show is to pose and/or explode. Mostly explode.

In today’s installment of Shaman King, Ren called Horohoro “ahou ga,” Our Heroes fought some guys in skirts “because it’s fun,” a naked guy dragged a ship wis his teeth, Jeanne freaked me out, Ryu’s super-power oversoul was still the dorkiest thing in all existence, and most of all… FAUST.

Characters in things should always share names. It’s so awesome to reflect, Now, where did I leave off yesterday? Oh, yeah, Crawford was about to propose, and then inadvertently start giggling madly.

Then we went back to that house and watched X for a few hours. It was highly amusing… first, because crappy DVD player + bootleg DVD’s = lots of freezing up, which resulted in characters staring at each other for thirty seconds between lines, making them all seem either very dramatic or very retarded. Second, we kept adding dialogue about the inevitable fate of CLAMP hotties.

Then I cleaned my apartment whilst listening to the BSSM R movie (The Return Of Mamoru’s Boyfriend Who Is Cooler Than Heero, Not As Cool As Schuldig, And Either Way A Better Lover Than Usagi).

Saaaaaaaaaaanzooooooooooooo.

Next, of course, is GayBackers… this time I may really have to finish the fic I started last time, considering while I was cleaning and having the show on, every time I’d look over at the screen it’d be, like, Akabanegasm.

Fudou cracks me up to death. “I KEEP THESE BONES IN MY COAT IN CASE I RUN INTO YOU!!!!1!”

Also, Akabane is distracting. How am I supposed to draw wis him being so damn hot all over the place. I would have a HEART ATTACK if I walked into a room full of Akabanes.

Have I ever mentioned my mad love for Zechs?

Kazuki and Bravo… the “giving” and “receiving” exchange… the fucking banana(s)… Watsuki knows what we’re going to read into it and he purposely puts things like that in there to mess wis our slashgirly heads.

Why the fuck would it take five people to run a flower shop of that size?!? What kind of stupid cover is that? One that screams, “We’re all flaming gay,” I guess.

Ending theme: Yohji’s like, “Look, I found my crotch!” And Ran replies, “Well, I found my ass.”

You’d think a gay guy would have more sense than to wear an orange sweater wis red hairs.

“Aya-kun, aite ga chigau yo!” Which translates to, “Quick, Aka-kun, seduce that guy in white!”

That’s right, Ken, hug him from behind. That will help. But not quite a much as Ran throwing his sword at a helicopter. That was a good tactic.

Sorry, little girl… being an extra in this show was your first mistake.

Another instance of Weiß professionalism: Yohji is wounded half to death, can barely stand, yet they don’t send him home. Is it because they know he needs more angst? Is that their way of paying him back for cheating on them and acting all hetero? NO! THEY KNEW HE HAD THAT FLOWER INSIDE HIS BODYSUIT THING! They were just giving him an opportunity to pull it out in its magically uncrushed beauty and stick it on some girl.

Ken, please wear the dorkiest helmet ever as you ride that motorcycle. Good job.

OK, to hear Sano laughing maniacally is soOoOo weird.

OK who the fuck wipes out like that??? “Another car on the road?!?!? OMFG!!! Over the guardrail I go!”

I run across the street every single time I see someone who looks like my sister.

Omi is the best at silly disguises. I bet he has all sorts of interesting stuff in his closet. BESIDES HIMSELF.

Thanks for wearing a pink shirt, Masafumi.

Manx says she can tell by their faces that they all want to take on this assignment, but Omi’s sitting there trembling and sweating and looking like he’s about to die. If that’s the face he generally makes in that case… da ha ha ha ha. The constipation of angry determination?

What if there were a Takatori family reunion with so many generations and extended family, and Ran somehow stumbled upon it? He’d go into cardiac arrest. That would be the funniest thing ever.

“I’ve been studying dance since I was three,” she says, and then dances like the biggest retard. Da ha ha ha ha. Well, she and Omi make a good pair of retard-dancers.

I keep wondering… What is wis the image of Ran, like, hanging by his wrists naked that appears in the opening sequence? I will decide my own meaning for it.

“I remember that day you wore a tutu and Brad was hot.”

It’s difficult to make fun of the show so much once Schwarz shows up. Not that it gets less mockable… just more distracting. Why is Schuldig so flirty wis Crawford. He does it to tease me specifically, I swear. I mean, what the hell was the purpose of that “tastes like honey” line directed specifically at him except to be evilly sexy? “Well, I was the one who told her about it, but…” GAH. So fucking hot.

Omi, you retard, didn’t you just hear him say, “Ouka-chan! Hold on!” Or did you interpret that as. “Ouka-chan! Hold on! We’ll be there to kill you in just a second!” *sigh* K, that bullet, like, grazed his shirt, and he fell to the ground. Yeah, retard. Eat your angst elsewhere. I want to watch Schu and Farf be hot, and you’re in the way. Uh-huh… kiss her to death…. good choice…

Schu: “Weiß is mine.” Farf: “I hate that TV.” Nagi: “You guys are both weird.”

Yeth, strip, Brad. It’s the thing to do for incredibly hot guys about to start fighting. Incidentally, hot people who wear all white should always hang around in the rain.

Super-Aya-kun time! Destroy everyone singlehandedly! Like magic! Then foursome time! As Omi cries, “Ken-kun! Mou ii!”

Shoot the basement! That will help.

Must be convenient to live in a world where people don’t bleed… makes stealing their outfits after you’ve killed them a lot easier.

Yeah, that’s right, guys, Reiji is the cause of every last bit of angst in all of your lives. Well, except for all the angst that will appear after you kill him. Like the angst of not having any hot sex with Schwarz within the series.

Aaaaaand Omi’s crying again.

“The other day I ran into Tomoe Sakura-san in town. She’s still hella irritating and wants to get into your pants.”

Listen to Ken and Yohji finishing each other’s sentences. Aaawwwwwwww.

Way to wear a pink suit, Botan. “I have no interest in going on a date with you.” “Well, I do.” *dies* Best Date Ever.

Oh, I know what happens to people who get shot and then burned! Don’t worry, Ran; he’ll be back.

OK, the acid’s in a pitcher. So… Did he transfer it from an easier container to the pitcher once he got to the church, or did he carry the pitcher all the way there? If the latter, how much did he spill on the way? What kind of awesome destruction did he cause? And did he have to bring extra, knowing he would spill?

OK, I need more Schwarz. Enough wis Omi’s random girlfriends.

No, no, no, don’t sing!

Damn, Yohji’s got a girly bedroom…

Stop lying, Schu, you don’t really like them. YOU LIKE ME. I mean, Brad.

Ken hyperventilates at the thought of sex.

Yeah, guys. Pose together. We weren’t quite convinced yet that y’all are lovey lovers.

Why the hell is Schön a warrior type anyway? Something they taught her in her model days or something. Heh heh… “why the hell…”

Yeah Schuldig wants him. Of course. Ah, redhead pairing. So much clashing hair.

Sakura’s best moment, there wis that gun. Controlled by Schuldig is the best way for her to be.

Is it just me, or did Brad kill that guy in the middle of, like, an airport or something? Good jobon security.

Ran: “She was in the…. cabinet…? That’s…. random…”

I would dislike Sakura less if she becomes Aya’s lover when the latter wakes up. Incidentally, I find the fact that Manx and Birman are sitting in the car together during the ending theme ABSOLUTE PROOF that they are lovers.

Mostly, Schwarz.

Kousaka totally wants Naoe. Love love Kousaka. Why is he so gay. But if Kousaka and the Fuuma guy that looks like Aoshi got together, it would be, like, leather-pants-love-time.

I love how the Kagetora/Naoe relationship is based on BEING ASSHOLES AT EACH OTHER.

OK, what else has happened in life? Dunno. Akabane is hot.

It’s about a bunch of Japanese people who have memories of wearing spandex in a past life.

I get massively disconcerted if I watch an anime that doesn’t feature Koyasu Takehito… so this one is just fine. (That was sarcasm, not fangirling)

Hearing Ueda Yuuji chanting mystic chants is freaking awesome. He makes a good conflicted bad guy. Just like he makes a good anything. ♥♥♥

BUT… BUT… BUT… WHAT IF SOMEBODY HAD GAROS’ OUTFIT AND JIGUMI’S HAIR???????? * D I E S * I think of the best ideas.

This show is actually kinda boring, I find, because it’s so incredibly slow-moving. The best part is the hair and the sleeves and the skirt.

“Cowboys activate Tank after suspension served.” That headline confused the hell out of me for a good thirty seconds.

Wild Adapter is cruel and unusual punishment. I’ve never seen such a fine line between don’t you just wish and FUCKING CANON. Or maybe I should say CANON FUCKING. The woman’s a sadist.

I was going to be variously productive today, but somehow “cleaning my apartment” turned into “rereading the first 8 volumes of Gravitation.”

Chou is more interesting than dinner anyway.

I freaking win at Crawford and Schuldig.

I dreamed Juubee x Sano. In case anyone was wondering.

The bisexual Hiko in my mind is at odds wis himself. He doesn’t want to do anything more than flirt wis women. What three words should I say? That is, what word should I say three times? Hiko Hiko Hiko. There we go. MmmmmmmmHiko.

Krug von Säure Krug von Säure Krug von Säure.

Since that’s way longer than anyone’s going to want to read, my favorites:

. . . Whyfore does the creature turn into a jeep…?

She’s no more annoying than any other shounen anime lead female who falls inexplicably in love at first sight and then runs around putting herself in danger trying to insert herself into the guy’s life.

He’s like, gun! and she’s like curtsy! and suddenly they’re dancing.

And speaking of Amidamaru and Mosuke, could they make that veil any thinner if they tried??

It’s actually not the best thing to read at work, because half the time when a call comes through I’m just starting to laugh really hard at something (or squee myself to death because Sanzo and Hakkai are talking like a married couple with rowdy children again).

Together we determined that the entire point of the show is to pose and/or explode. Mostly explode.

Fudou cracks me up to death. “I KEEP THESE BONES IN MY COAT IN CASE I RUN INTO YOU!!!!1!”

Ending theme: Yohji’s like, “Look, I found my crotch!” And Ran replies, “Well, I found my ass.”

That’s right, Ken, hug him from behind. That will help. But not quite a much as Ran throwing his sword at a helicopter. That was a good tactic.

OK, who the fuck wipes out like that??? “Another car on the road?!?!? OMFG!!! Over the guardrail I go!”

“I remember that day you wore a tutu and Brad was hot.”

I love how the Kagetora/Naoe relationship is based on BEING ASSHOLES AT EACH OTHER.

It’s about a bunch of Japanese people who have memories of wearing spandex in a past life.

And possibly my absolute favorite of all:

“I remember that day you wore a tutu and Brad was hot.”

Bonus points if you can identify every series I referenced XD