I dreamed there was an invisible two-headed lion in my house. All we could see of it was its glowing blue eyes. And the only way we could keep it from eating us was to shine the laser pointer around, because it liked to chase the spot and that distracted it from eating us.

So you know L’arc’s song Round and Round? L and I have long thought that it sounds like he’s saying “laumalau” instead of “round and round.” (Which, to a certain extent, he is.) And one day I texted L a message that just said, “Laumalau.” He wrote back saying he hadn’t recognized it off the bat and had thought at first that it was an acronym, standing for something like, “Laugh at U; my ass laughs at U.” Which made my ass laugh.

Today, being Friday, was five-dollar Friday at workings. Every Friday we make many announcements over the P.A. reminding customers about whatever item is on sale for $5 that week. Oftentimes one sounds retarded doing this, and today I decided that as long as I had to sound like an idiot talking about $5 samich meats to the whole store, I might as well do it in rhyme. Doggerel makes Black Forest Ham that much more appealing.

WHAT IF YOU HAD A FROG.