Plastic 72

“But everyone seems to despise him, for some reason. I even saw him voted ‘most hated video game character’ on one forum.”

It was Wednesday, and, excepting some minor system issues that IT was working frantically to fix, rather slow. Usually such a day was the time for everyone to catch up on paperwork and processing, but of course Wufei had no such intention. The problem was that he was too damn good at his job and always on top of his paperwork.

“I believe it’s all because of the rumors about the expansion. They don’t dislike him for any other, legitimate reason.”

This was Wufei’s third visit to Heero, who didn’t even know what he was talking about this time.

“But he’s gone through so much; he’s had very believable character growth. People say he’s too hot-headed, or that he has no actual motivations, but I disagree on both counts.”

How had this started, anyway? Oh, yes, Heero’s comment on Wufei’s tie (which, he realized in retrospect, had been a grave mistake) had led Wufei to talk about some costume he was making, and this somehow (unsurprisingly) had segued into a lot of unnecessary information about the character he would be dressing as.

“He has a much more believable viewpoint than Thrall — believable from an orc perspective, that is. Too many players are thinking like humans; that’s their problem.”

And Heero didn’t even have the benefit of Duo’s opinion, since Wufei had once picked the doll up. He was looking forward to whatever Duo would have to say when Wufei was gone, though. Assuming Heero could ever get rid of him.

“He’s still my favorite NPC, and I believe he’ll be a very effective leader.”

The biggest problem was that, although Heero was ostensibly parallel to Dorothy in rank, he wasn’t equipped with disciplinary options that weren’t more trouble for him than they were worth. Usually this wasn’t an issue, since it wasn’t his job to keep an eye on the people around him in that capacity, and Dorothy was usually there anyway — but today she was, like most of the sales staff, buried in catch-up work.

“I’ll be sure to bring in pictures once I get the costume done… though maybe I’ll wait for The Surgery.”

Oh, yes, of course, The Surgery.

“Maybe wear it in on Halloween?” Heero murmured, without much hope.

“Oh, I should have The Surgery before then… I’ll just bring in pictures.”

And I’ll have to look at them, Heero despaired.

“Though I still haven’t decided what to do about the tusks.”

“There may be a surgery for that too.”

Wufei took him seriously. “Yes, I’ve considered that. I don’t believe it would be convenient.”

“No, probably not.”

“Did I tell you I got an estimate for the other one, though?” Before Heero could answer this, however — assuming he was even able to think of an answer that wouldn’t utterly destroy what little professional relationship they had — Wufei went on hurriedly, “Well, I’ll tell you about it later.” Then he turned on his heel and left the cubicle. A moment later Dorothy walked by.

“I thought you had to live as a woman for, like, a year or something before you could get The Surgery,” Duo mused. “Or is he female-to-male?”

Heero bent over and buried his face in his arms on the desk. He wasn’t used to restraining uproarious laughter, simply because the impulse almost never came over him, so he wasn’t nearly as good at such restraint as most people would have assumed. His shoulders shook and his head spun, and he was sure that some sound was escaping his lips, for all his efforts. Tears were definitely running from his eyes.

Duo seemed to be trying his best to keep a straight face (figuratively speaking, of course), but it wasn’t working. Also he sounded pleased (if a little startled) that he’d made Heero laugh so hard, and it was several very long moments before either of them was able to stop.

Finally Duo said, “So if he’s not a transsexual, what Surgery is this that he has to assign capital letters to?”

Heero still hadn’t entirely recovered, but he managed to choke out, “It’s a surgery to… to give him pointy ears. He’s been… he’s been talking about having it done as long as he’s worked here… nobody believes anymore that he’s actually ever going to do it.”

“Whaaat?” Duo started laughing again, more heartily this time. “Seriously?”

Heero could only nod.

“Oh, I’m so going to get a job here,” Duo sighed when he’d calmed down a little — though he was still chuckling — “and mess with that guy all day long.”

“Be my guest,” Heero replied. He noticed then that he’d received an email sometime in the last few minutes, and, still laughing somewhat, turned his attention toward the computer. He was loath to open it, though, when he saw that it was from Quatre and had no subject line; he didn’t want to spoil the excellent mood he was suddenly in — but an email from someone that was simultaneously his best friend and his manager was not something he could ignore.

So what page are we all on? Quatre wondered. What’s going on with you and Duo? Does he know about me and Trowa? It’s hard to tell, but it seemed like he was giving us funny looks last night.

Heero hadn’t really wanted to explain this, even to his best friend, but felt now that he had to. Stifling a sigh, he set up a reply and thought about what to say. Finally he forced himself to type, Duo is still in love with Trowa. I haven’t told him about you two. I don’t want to hurt him. I haven’t decided what to do yet. Then he forced himself to send the message immediately. Usually he liked to proofread things a few times beforehand, but knew he would talk himself out of disclosing his personal thoughts if he did that now.

The answer came almost immediately: Are you sure?

No, I’m not, Heero responded. That makes it worse.

Do you want me to talk to him?

Heero smiled bitterly. It was just like Quatre to offer that: kind-hearted and officious. Thank you, but no, he emailed back. I’ll take care of it.

Make sure you do! Quatre returned. I’m getting us the 4th off, and I’ve got some great ideas about what you and Duo could spend that day doing… but that won’t work if you haven’t resolved this. I know what I’ll be spending that day on.

Heero snorted, and replied, I bet you do.

“Stupid emails?” Duo wondered, hearing him.

Heero looked down at the doll, and was struck once again with the idea, suggested by Duo’s comment, of Wufei getting a sex-change operation in order to dress up as a World of Warcraft character. He felt a grin spreading across his face again, and it only widened when Duo returned it. Heero was surprised and delighted to find Duo capable of putting him into a cheerful frame of mind tenacious enough to last through an uncomfortable reminder of a problem he had with Duo himself. He couldn’t help thinking that to have Duo around in the long-term could only make him consistently happier. Well, depending on the context.

“So tell me everything you plan on doing to Wufei as soon as you work here,” he said.

Previous (Part 71) | Chapter Index | Next (Part 73)


I’d like to take this moment to mention that the guys aren’t laughing because there’s anything inherently amusing about the idea of someone they know being transgender, but rather because Wufei talks about his utterly frivolous planned surgery so seriously that it can easily be mistaken for a much more important and life-altering procedure; Heero also hybridizes the ideas in order to imagine Wufei being willing to change his physical sex purely for the sake of cosplay, which is also not meant to imply that there’s something innately funny about genital surgery — just the hypothetical motive for the operation in this case. I hope this comes across in the chapter itself, but, just to be absolutely certain, I thought I’d note it here as well.

That said, and speaking of Wufei, there just may have been, maybe, a reference to Link Worshiper‘s The Forsaken around here somewhere. Too bad you’d have to be a WoWbie to get it, eh?

16 thoughts on “Plastic 72

  1. I got the reference to The Forsaken! LOL. And the trans gender thing was more funny to me just because of Duo thinking of WUFEI as wanting to be/having been a GIRL. Something tells me Duo wont be too disappointed that Trowa’s got a boyfriend, or maybe he’s already figured it out???

    1. Because Wufei is such a misogynist in canon? Yeah, I guess that does make it somewhat ironic. And, yeah, Duo already has his suspicions about Trowa and Quatre; he definitely won’t be terribly unhappy when they are confirmed :D

  2. The idea of Duo working at Heero’s company so he can mess with Wufei makes me laugh. As does the idea of Wufei having his ears operated on. That’s some serious dedication to geekery!

    It was adorable to see Heero overcome with laughter. I suspect his coworkers will all be thanking Duo, after he becomes human again. :-)

    1. Zombie Girl and I have idle talks all the time about all the things Duo will do to Wufei XD And I would totally love to have pointy ears; I just wouldn’t pay for it XD

  3. I am glad to read that your vision of Heero is not the one who is totally in control of his emotions. I love reading about glimpses to his humanity. *^_^*

    1. The Forsaken is a fantastic story. Duo is an undead warlock!! And Trowa is a blood elf! You should totally read it. (Her website) Apart from that, thanks for your comments :D

  4. *giggles* I missed my chance to comment on the previous chapter, but this one made me laugh like a hyena! I totally got the whole ‘Wufei’s taking this crap waaaay too seriously’ vibe and like Heero, the more I thought about it, the funnier it got. *snicker*

    I can just imagine Duo getting a job there and messing with Wufei all day; oh damn.. I know *I* couldn’t resist doing it and Duo is way more amusing about this than I am. It’s kinda messed up that Heero really doesn’t know how Duo feels yet, and (was it just me?) Quatre taking the ‘you better let him know the deal’ email was just a little cold, if you get me. I do understand where Quat’s at, though; it just seemed kinda messed up that it was more like ‘tough nuts’ on Duo. Ah, I’m just reading too much into it.

    I was sooo hoping you’d show a little of what dinner at Heero’s was going to be like; I like Trowa’s happiness and his acceptance that the curse would really be broken. His accepting Heero’s dinner invite made me smile all over. I’m enjoying the hell out of this story!

    1. Wufei takes things (particularly himself) way too seriously in canon too; pointy ear surgery may not be entirely analogous, but I thought it was, at least, pretty hilarious. I am so mean to him…

      I think Quatre’s just making the best of a situation where he knows he can’t do anything — because when Heero says, “I’ll deal with it,” what else can you do? At the same time, Quatre also knows that when dealing with it involves Heero expressing emotional things, Heero may not get around to it for a while and may need some prodding.

      I’m glad you’re still enjoying the story! Thanks for your comments!

  5. *mwahahahahahaha* Attack of the wild Wufei! *laugh* I’m dying over how Wufei keeps cornering Heero and talking ‘nerd speak’ at him. XD XD XD I’m convinced now that Wufei views Heero as his ‘new bestest friend ever.’ *giggle* Heero will end up learning some of this ‘nerd’ stuff just as self defense. XD XD I guess we don’t get to see the dinner together (from last night in the time line?), but this was totally worth it.

    And Heero having a laughing fit! Awesome! Just watch… one day, Wufei will actually get The Surgery done and everyone at work will stop laughing about it. …maybe. XD XD I’m so amused at Wufei being willing to get a cosmetic surgery done for pointy ears. *grin*

    And once again, the boys display the sheer lack of communication that is going on. Of course, if they all really talked to each other, what kind of story would this be? LOL Although, in an alternate version of this, I’m now trying to imagine how that particular conversation would go between Quatre and Duo. *smile*

    1. Wufei has totally attached himself to Heero. Or at least he thinks he has; Heero may see it somewhat differently XD This Wufei makes me laugh my ass off, but at the same time he’s rather pathetic. Man, if he actually got that Surgery, I would laugh even harder.

      No, sorry, we don’t get to see the dinner from last night. But you notice that Quatre picked up some vibes there and has some questions about it. Communication is indeed in abeyance at this point XD XD

  6. haha! Your meaning about “The Surgery” came through perfectly lol Wuffers is obsessed, but I don’t think he’s obsessed enough to change his gender for cosplay. You could so easily see all sides of this and man was that funny! XD I’m so happy that Duo triggered that laugh in Heero, made me heart happy. If that makes sense. Oh noosss!! I missed a Forsaken reference!? I’ll to go back and read, I’m sure I missed it because sped read through this chapter! I just had to read one more chapter before dashing off to work. *hugs you* Sorry I spammed with so many replies, but I can’t wait to get back and read some more!!

    1. The reference to The Forsaken is just that the WoW character Wufei’s talking about at the beginning of this part is the character he is in Link’s story :D And it’s funny that you apologize for spamming, because your numerous comments yesterday totally made my day, and it was awesome to wake up to more this morning! So thanks a lot!

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