So I had this dream. It started out soap opera and went batshit, so here it is:

Evidently I lived in a church building (the building on Jamboree, in fact, where I used to attend when I was young). In order to hide the fact that I was lesbian, I had this arrangement with my best friend where I could make out with him at any time. I’d even loaned him a treasured locket I possessed to add verisimilitude to the act. But then this other guy showed up and suddenly declared that I was his girlfriend and he was going to take me away somewhere.

In response to this, my best friend no longer wanted to talk to me. It wasn’t that he was angry about the situation or jealous; it was just that he figured, since I had a real boyfriend now, I wouldn’t need him to fake it anymore and he would be in the way. He and I were discussing this just outside the church building where there were all these Greek gardens with lovely pillars and stuff. I was extremely upset that he was going to abandon me, and was trying to explain to him that 1) this other guy was out of his mind if he thought I wanted to be his girlfriend, and a total asshole for just assuming I would, and 2) even if I had found a significant other, I would still want my best friend to remain my best friend.

He wouldn’t listen, though. Evidently the crazy guy, in another show of creepy stalkerness, had made a duplicate of my cherished locket because he was sure this would be a good sign that he was now my boyfriend — not realizing that the real locket was a symbol of friendship (particularly evidenced by the fact that, instead of some romantic picture of one or the other {or both} of us, there was a picture of my sister as a kid inside). So my best friend held up both of these lockets in a sort of silent statement of how serious my relationship with the crazy guy apparently was.

I grabbed the real locket and ran away, crying. Crazy guy followed me, not understanding what I was so upset about, but my best friend (who was by now rather looking like a jerk) did not. Crazy guy was trying to get me to come get into his car (which, incidentally, was being driven by his sister, who was apparently his accomplice), and obviously I didn’t want to.

Then, not far off, I noticed Ronald McDonald and all of his friends standing around as if they’d done a show at a restaurant or something and had just finished and were relaxing. Now, crazy guy had a mysterious past that he hadn’t revealed to his new acquaintances, and part of it, I knew, involved some kind of trouble with the McDonald’s mascot characters — particularly this one that, in this dream, was evidently a combination of a female Ronald and Birdie. (Interestingly, this is not the first time I have dreamed about Birdie WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME) So there was bad blood between him and them, and the moment they saw him they came running toward us.

Now, McDonald’s characters are hilarious in their idiocy in most instances, but it person they’re pretty damn terrifying, so I was not going to stand around and let them do whatever in my vicinity. At the same time, I thought this was the perfect way to get rid of crazy guy. So I picked him up and ran toward his car, shouting to his sister to hurry and drive away. It was my intention to throw the guy through the car window and that his sister should then take off immediately, leaving me there to continue running from the McDonald’s people.

However, the window was shut, and my hands were too full carrying this guy to open a door. So Ronald and company caught up to us, and an angry argument I didn’t understand (concerning the events in crazy guy’s past) ensued. Obviously I dropped crazy guy for this.

Presently we noticed that a family with childs was approaching from a nearby house, and the argument kinda trailed off awkwardly because none of the McDonald’s characters wanted to be seen being profane and violent. But they weren’t exactly in the right frame of mind to be friendly and McDonald’sy either, so they weren’t quite sure what to do. In the ensuing silence, I elbowed Ronald in the ribs and hummed a note to give him a pitch, at which point he started singing a McDonald’s song in a somewhat lackluster fashion.

And that was the end of the dream. Did I ever get my best friend back, and perhaps smack him upside the head for being a jerk? Did I manage to shake off the psychotic attentions of that other guy? And what had happened between him and female-Ronald/Birdie? I’m afraid the world will never know.