*Annabelle: Creation (2017) – Why the hell did he make that doll so hideous in the first place?

Beauty and the Beast (1991) – Still pretty solid after all these years.

Bedknobs and Broomsticks (1971) – Cuter than I remembered (except Angela Lansbury, who was exactly as cute as I remembered).

*The Blair Witch Project (1999) – The origin of this (to me) interesting format wasted all its potential on arguing in the forest and saying “fuck” a lot.

*Brave (2012) – Would have been better as a musical.

Cinderella (1950) – The mice are just tolerable.

*Cinderella II: Dreams Come True (2002) – The mice are intolerable.

*Cinderella III: A Twist In Time (2007) – The prince jumps out the window, and that’s cool, but what a mess of a plot.

Encanto (2021) – Cute, but with some infuriating points, and overshadowed by its own soundtrack.

Frozen (2013) – Still a delight.

Frozen II (2019) – A gayer delight, but we’re not quite there yet.

Hercules (1997) – Terrible.

The Little Mermaid (1989) – Holds up pretty well, though the parental abuse has never been adressed.

*The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea (2000) – Painful and embarrassing, to the point that I’m sorry I watched it.

*The Little Mermaid: Ariel’s Beginning (2008) – Not as dreadful as the second one.

*Luca (2021) – Kinda cute, with a fun setup, but nothing to write home about.

*Mary Poppins Returns (2018) – An absolutely wonderful capture of the spirit and musical quality of the first movie.

Moana (2016) – Still my favorite Disney movie; brilliant and beautiful.

*Mulan (2020) – Extremely enjoyable; better than the animated version.

*Muppets Haunted Mansion (2021) – I forget what I ever found funny about the Muppets, and Disney has apparently forgotten too.

The Princess and the Frog (2009) – Keith David.

*The Ritual (2018) – Takes a leaf from The Blair Witch Project‘s book by forcing us to put up with a set of assholes arguing in the forest; the monster at the end is pretty cool, though.

Robin Hood (1973) – A longtime favorite, though I could do without Phil Harris.

*Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (2019) – Excessively fun, with some wonderfully creepy monsters.

*Sinister 2 (2015) – Not spectacular, but the premise was interesting.

Sleeping Beauty (1959) – I could listen to Mary Costa sing forever, but those fucking fairies…

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937) – Enjoyable music and animation, but it’s hard to get over the problematic (and annoying) dwarfs.

Tangled (2009) – Eh, it’s OK.

Tarzan (1999) – Underappreciated and Jane is my waifu.

*The Witch (2016) – The most interesting thing about this movie was trying to decide whether to spell it “Witch” or “VVitch.”


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