Birthday countdown 2019 begin!

39 days ’til I turn 39!!

I promise I really am working on stuff. Two big projects (exchange fic and helping get this first TLY audiobook finished), which both more or less have deadlines, have been siphoning all my time lately… but I have gotten bits and pieces of other things done in between (next ASZz part, editing Seeing Red, and some site work). This state of things will probably continue until the two projects are finished, but that will happen much sooner than my birthday in 39 days :D

Productivity Log Lite (a.k.a. What’s Going On Around Here)

1 week ’til I turn 38!

Yes, I’ve barely posted anything lately, even non-artistic stuff like photo logs. There’s a great big fat reason for this, and that is TLY.

This book is a hair’s breadth from being finished. In fact the edits I’m making at this point are so minor I could easily declare the book done, but I haven’t yet because I’m still waiting on the cover illustration my sister is drawing. As soon as that’s ready, though, it’s puuuuuublication time.

And I can’t think about anything else, much less spend free time (such as might be used on photo posts and real PL’s and shit) on aaaaaanything ellllllllllse. I’m only even making this entry here as a break between bouts of editing.

So, yeah. Regularly scheduled program will recommence as soon as this thing is released. Oh, and then there’ll also be a new book available. So there.

Deadpool’s baby bedroom: a dream

35 days ’til I turn 38! And now for a dream. Since starting this antidepressant, my dreams have become more memorable again.

I was playing WoW or a similar game, though the dream couldn’t make up its mind whether it was a game or just a part of reality. Anyway, I was going along an ocean beach when I saw Deadpool heading into the water to swim across to some island to do a quest there. For ease of swimming, he dropped a bunch of stuff he was carrying into a pile in the breakers.

The stuff all seemed to be similarly colored — jewel-toned purple and aqua — and in some interest I tried to adjust the camera angle so I could look at it more easily. But I accidentally clicked on the pile and ended up picking up a bunch of items instead. Annoyed at the circumstance (and aware in the back of my head that Deadpool might think I was trying to rob him and become murderously angry), I started sorting through my own inventory in order to re-drop the stuff I’d mistakenly taken.

I was able in so doing to examine some of Deadpool’s items more closely. It appeared he was preparing to decorate a baby’s bedroom, and I adored the colors and the coordination of the objects. Unfortunately, I too was carrying a shit-ton of junk, and I’d only managed to re-drop a few of the adorable things before Deadpool came back from the island, grabbed his pile without appearing to notice it was incomplete, and ran off before I could say a word to him (jumping as he ran the way you do in WoW).

Then I spent the rest of the dream trying to track him down so I could return the last of his possessions and compliment him on his superb interior design sensibilities. When I finally found him, he wasn’t even mad.

There was more to the dream than this — it was mostly an explore-the-house dream, apparently a grandparent’s house with a ridiculous number of closets, and there were kids and a dachshund and an indoor pool party with a giant inflatable floating pool-house-thing — but that part with Deadpool’s baby bedroom items was what I really thought worth writing down.

Birthday countdown

38 days until I turn 38!

This year’s countdown is especially exciting, since I’m aiming to release a book on my birthday (though whether that deadline is feasible is a matter of question XD)

“0-po0oi9ooooooooo,” says cat to mark the occasion.

Bitey and Birthday

The older I get, the more difficult it becomes to remember to start my birthday countdown. It should have started on July 27th this year! Right now I’m putting an entry on the calendar for July 26th of next year so I won’t forget again! Because this shit is important, yo.

Anyway, today it is 29 days until I turn 37. In unrelated news, I got bitten three or four times by a 130lb great Dane named Ludvig last week.

Here are some pictures that aren’t very bloody.

Saitou & Sano Thoughts: Sad assumptions

9 days ’til I turn 36!!

What Saitou sees in Sano is (to me) fairly obvious, his attraction (to me) perfectly natural. But what he does about it… that story can go in a variety of plausible directions — and does! That’s what fanfiction is ^__^

And what if Saitou, while (at least on some level) recognizing his interest in and desire for Sano, is operating under a subconscious assumption that nothing can come of this? Not like, We can’t be together because of [reason] and [reason], but a truly subconscious attitude — he has never even considered that he could do something about this attraction he feels. Because in his head, life just doesn’t work like that; duty eclipses everything. It has literally never even occurred to him that a romantic relationship is a thing he could have. His feelings are just one more thing he has to deal with, and entirely a dead end rather than an avenue.

Of course this would send Sano hella mixed messages. Whenever Saitou was around, he would get the feeling Saitou liked him — gradually, of course, the way it usually happens — but then it would never, ever actually go anywhere… to a point where Sano would begin to doubt his own judgment. And he’d have no idea what to do about it. Though of course Sano is typically so proactive about things (unless some unkind author has put situational obstacles in the way of his activity *cough*guiltyascharged*cough*) that he would probably bring it up after not too long.

Actually I think it would play out a little like my HoH situation between those two… except that, instead of asexual and completely aware of what Sano wants and just reluctant to get into a relationship, Saitou would be totally oblivious — not to the existence of romantic relationships, obviously, but to the idea of himself in one.

And Sano, of course, would be flabbergasted when he found out what Saitou’s deal was. He’d probably be the first to put it into words, too, in a mixture of astonishment and horror. Saitou himself would be far less horrified, but probably somewhat interested to recognize something that’s been going on in the back of his head his whole life.

What I think would astonish Saitou is a somewhat abstract variant on the not unusual I can’t believe this amazing person feels the same way about me and is part of my life attitude — a kind of, I can’t believe there’s room in my life for this, or what a difference it makes. I think he would find himself constantly surprised by the possibilities and expectations of a relationship, and in a way he would feel like a much younger man as he learned to apply this very basic concept to himself for the first time.

Of course some of this would come out in Sano’s presence from time to time, and at first Sano would be flattered… until he realized that it’s the novelty of the relationship that has Saitou in awe, not anything about Sano specifically. But then he would realize (possibly Saitou, depending on the current mood of their interaction, would even point out) that Sano was the one, after twenty-some years of adulthood in Saitou’s life, to finally get him to learn that lesson. So Sano really is pretty special after all.

I also have this idea that Kaoru and Kenshin are involved. Because I think Kenshin could easily have the same thing going on in his head. And I kinda like to think of Kaoru figuring it out first by watching both Saitou and Kenshin while poor confused Sano is trying to decide what the hell to do about Saitou’s mixed messages.

In fact I think she considers Saitou and Sano her test case, once she figures out what the deal is. She sees these two guys (Saitou and Kenshin) that were so steeped in what they were doing as younger men (and, in Kenshin’s case, as a very young man) that they haven’t been able to move on more than nominally — that, though they’ve changed some of the trappings of their lives, underneath are still living as they always did. Neither one has a setting for romance. And Kaoru wonders whether that can be changed, and starts to work on Saitou first.

Obviously this would be slightly different than the usual Kaoru-as-matchmaker behavior, which I think could contribute amusingly to Sano’s confusion, but obviously Kaoru’s determination and heart would win the day in the end: Saitou and Sano would get together (with all the previously mentioned and continuing reactions), and Kaoru would have a template for herself and Kenshin. So everyone could live happily ever after!!

I don’t know why I find it so sadly charming to think of Saitou (and Kenshin) in possession of romantic feelings but not of the awareness that those feelings could be acted upon. Somehow, though, I’m just enthralled by this thought XD