Don’t Let Me Down and Down – David Bowie
Saitou had very little faith in human interaction, so, although he was in love with Sano to the extent where nothing could be done about it, he regarded the situation with more wariness than pleasure. Oh, he was happy enough with him, and there was no way of hiding or escaping his love… but he couldn’t help fearing that someday, somehow, Sano must inevitably let him down. And he was just so tired of telling the boy things and being completely ignored that he never bothered to bring it up. He simply held his breath, waiting for something to go wrong and the relationship to fall apart. That it never did did little to change his opinion on human interaction. But he was cautiously pleased.
Ego Brain – System of a Down
“What are you doing here?”
“What, you think this place is too good for me? I’m doing the same thing you are, jerk.”
“Somehow I doubt that.”
“Don’t talk like you’re on a secret mission or something. God, Saitou, I know it’s hard for you to admit you’re just a man, not some kind of spirit of justice or walking statue or something, but won’t your ego even let you admit you don’t like getting caught out in the rain?”
“This is a restaurant. If I’m ‘just a man,’ presumably I need to eat. I could be here for that.”
“So don’t assume we have the same motives just because it’s raining.”
“Well, maybe I’m here for lunch too.”
“With what money, ahou?”
“Yours. Buy me lunch?”
“Let go of my hand.”
“Buy me lunch.”
“You gonna buy me food?”
“Hah! True love conquers all!”
“Shut up or starve.”
“All right, all right.”
Epilogue (Nothing ‘Bout Me) – Sting
Sano was unsurprised when the cop that eventually showed up to question him once the doctor had him mostly patched up turned out to be Saitou, given how often they’d “accidentally” run into each other lately.
“So.” Saitou had a tendency not to bother with any actual questions when questioning Sano. “You stumbled across a meeting of a dangerous gang of thieves, all of them paranoid and armed to the teeth, and decided automatically to attack them.”
“Hey…” Sano shook his head. “I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a simple man… but you gotta stop assuming that you know me so well.”
Saitou raised a brow at him.
“You can read all the police files you want… ask everyone in town to tell you everything they know… hell, you could even search through all the shit in my house — I’ll be here for a while, so I won’t even notice… and after all that, you still won’t know me.”
“I assume this is leading up to some suggestions on how I could get to know you better,” Saitou interjected a little dryly.
“Yeah, I got a bunch of ideas,” grinned Sano. “First–”
“Actually, why don’t we save it until you’re less torn up,” Saitou interrupted again, “and get back to the story of what the hell you were thinking tonight.”
“All right, fine,” Sano allowed. “So I stumbled across this meeting of some group of thieves, and decided to attack them…”
Spooky – The Puppini Sisters
It was somewhat worrisome that, whenever Sano showed up at the station in the evening just as Saitou was leaving work and asked if he wanted to go somewhere stupid like out drinking or just for some pointless walk through some trashy neighborhood, Saitou could never say no. Even when he managed to say no at first, Sano’s repetition of the question would bring about an immediate reversal of that answer.
It was almost frightening, actually; it made Saitou wonder whether he was slipping, becoming less intimidating or less respectable… or perhaps just going crazy… The latter really did seem to be the case at times, what with the confusion and the self-doubt and the… dreams… dammit, why was he dreaming about Sano? That was what pushed it over the edge past almost. It was downright scary what Sano was doing to him.
Saitou had never been a coward, and there was no way this particular fear was going to force him to run any more than any other in his lifetime had. Still, he didn’t really feel like admitting anything he was feeling just yet. Maybe if Sano showed signs of getting tired of him he might, if only to make sure the boy stuck around. But right now? He was content with saying no first and giving in second.
I’m Just Talkin’ About Tonight – Toby Keith
It made sense that Sano was wary. They didn’t exactly have the friendliest history, which rendered the idea of going home together after a chance encounter a little strange. But Saitou had seen the looks Sano had (perhaps unconsciously) been throwing him lately, and something needed to be done.
“I’m not asking you to move in with me, ahou,” he said impatiently as Sano’s expression continued to fluctuate from eager to reluctant and back.
“Well…” Sano still hesitated, but now Saitou was a bit wary — because in response to his words, the eagerness in the boy’s eyes had returned, along with a flash of some deeper related desire that the cop was definitely not prepared for. All he really wanted was to clear away some of this sexual tension and see what was left.
In part because he was growing more impatient and annoyed by the moment, and in part to escape that seriousness sparking in Sano’s glance, Saitou turned. “If you’re coming…”
“I guess…” Sano muttered. “Just for tonight…” And his following foosteps sounded behind Saitou up the street.
Simple Life – Toto
Sano was a man of simple pleasures. Food and drink, lack of boredom, pleasant companionship… that was really all he asked. So he wasn’t sure why he had, somewhere along the road, decided he needed a lover that had cost him nearly everything he had, everything he was, to obtain.
Of course, having paid that price and gotten his hands on Saitou’s heart, he’d found that a simple life was a thousand times better when he lived it with someone he loved more every day, someone who fulfilled or replaced everything else he wanted or needed. Days felt longer and years felt shorter, Sano got older and changed from the man he had been, but he never regretted the road he’d walked or where it had led him.
Summertime – Al Jarreau
One of these days…
One of these days Saitou was going to snatch Sano away from his tedious life at that dojo and show him something more interesting… One of these days, he was going to pull the boy right out from under the noses of all his insipid friends… the overprotective Battousai and the vapid Kamiya girl… and teach him to fly (in one sense or another)…
One of these days…
He knew he was being transferred sometime this summer. Maybe he would take Sano with him then; he doubted the roosterhead would protest. Until then, Sano could just keep freeloading over there, get more and more bored, working up (whether he knew it or not) a healthy appetite for the big changes that were going to take place one of these days.
Getaway – Earth, Wind & Fire
Sano wasn’t sure if Saitou was aware of just how much he watched him. Day in, day out, in to work, out of work, house to station and back with only samey investigations here and there to break the routine and every great blessed once in a while an assassination. And he wondered whether Saitou still had a sense of fun in there or whether it had completely atrophied.
He’d offered. Several times, actually. Saitou kept refusing, but Sano kept offering; he figured that the aforementioned sense of fun, if it existed, must eventually break the shell of mediocrity that had coated Saitou’s life and accept in spite of the man’s other sensibilities. If it didn’t exist… well, Sano would just have to share his own, wouldn’t he?
You Don’t Have to See – Debbie Gibson
Kenshin’s audible sigh as Sano said goodbye brought the younger man up short with a frown.
“I just do not think this is wise…” Kenshin murmured when he saw that Sano had stopped.
“I know you don’t,” Sano replied, not turning, “but, seriously, Kenshin… and I didn’t really wanna say this, but you’re kinda forcing me here… no offense… but it’s none of your damn business.”
Kenshin sighed again. “I know,” he said wearily. “I am sorry. He is… I know that in some ways he is a good man…”
“Hey, don’t bother,” Sano said, finally facing Kenshin again and trying to keep his tone light. “It’d be great if you could accept this, but you don’t have to try to force yourself to understand why I’m in love with him. Hell, if you could see what I see in him I’d probably get jealous.”
Kenshin smiled weakly in response.
“Just stop tearing him down when I can hear it, all right?” He forced his mouth into a grin to show Kenshin that there really were no hard feelings. “See you later.”
Crash and Burn – Savage Garden
It was something he could never say, only prove. He would have liked to say it, but he just wasn’t the type.
Sano lived a life of reckless stupidity; Saitou had accepted that. Everything he did, he did precipitously and impetuously, and it was a wonder he didn’t fall more often. Saitou wondered how many times in the past he had fallen with no one around, no one to catch or at least comfort him after his foolishness got him into trouble.
Well, he was no longer alone. Saitou was here now, and, if he had his way, he would be here forever more. Sano could be as wild and incautious as he chose; he would never again face the fire by himself. Yes, it was quite a task to stand unconditionally beside someone who was that careless, but in accepting Sano Saitou had accepted that duty as well.
It was something he could never say. Only prove. But he wasn’t afraid of that.
Vediamo un po’! – Pietro Mascagni
“What the fuck are you listening to?” Sano demanded incredulously from the doorway.
Saitou glanced briefly from his work and replied placidly, “Pietro Mascagni’s L’Amico Fritz.”
Sano advanced a few steps into the room, the expression on his face still disbelieving. “No, but, seriously, what is it?”
With a look of bafflement so strong it bordered on a loss of cerebral functionality, Sano just stared. When Saitou finally glanced at him again and raised an eyebrow, Sano managed, “You… are… so… gay…”
“Was there something you wanted?” Saitou demanded in slight irritation.
“Yeah… well… maybe you like this guy who’s singing better, but I was just checking to see if you wanted to have sex with me right now,” Sano replied.
“Yes,” answered Saitou in the same tone as before.
“Notice he doesn’t even pause before he answers,” Sano chuckled. “How gay.” Taking Saitou’s hand and pulling him from his chair he added, “Come on, you fag.”
Saitou rolled his eyes as he allowed himself to be led away from Pavarotti’s swelling voice.
Sound of Your Voice – Barenaked Ladies
The letter had been in his pocket since China, unsent because he just couldn’t think of anything more to write. Or perhaps because what it read so far was a little embarrassing. He wondered how he could possibly say something like that to Saitou; he wondered to the extent that he almost couldn’t believe he’d really written even as much as he had.
Neither of them had ever pretended their relationship was more than a convenient way to have regular sex, and when Sano had decided to see the world, Saitou had made no move to stop him… so why was the middle east not distracting enough to keep the officer off the traveler’s mind?
It was worst in the mornings, he’d found. Saitou didn’t really say things like, “good morning,” or, “did you sleep well?” …but somehow Sano missed the “get up, idiot” and “are you going to lie around all day?” (at 7:00 AM) more than he missed anyone else’s friendlier greetings. The most picturesque inn in Greece was somehow lacking when he woke up alone, and although Europe had more than its share of attractive people, somehow he just wasn’t interested. By the time he reached Spain and was looking for a way to earn passage to America, the truth was beyond denying.
Well, he had a while before he’d be back in Japan; he might have forgotten by then that he’d even mailed the thing. Or it might get lost. At least, that’s what he had to tell himself to get himself to send it; inside he was torn between praying fervently that it reach its destination swiftly and safely and wanting to tear it apart and never admit to having written such a thing. Then he skipped sleeping, fearing that the feeling of incompleteness that haunted him every morning would be worse than usual the next day.
Saitou – I miss you; I think I love you – Sano
As he watched the coast disappear behind the wake, he wondered what Saitou would have to say about that.