I didn’t really want to have to talk about this again

Long ago, the Saitou & Sano subfandom was full and active. There was ongoing conversation about the pairing, RK in general, and all the fanfiction we posted. For years and years I’ve been trying to get that back, and it hasn’t been working. These days there are almost no fans, there is almost no conversation, and my fics get almost no attention. I’ve long been aware that if I wanted something like that again, I would have to switch fandoms.

The idea never appealed to me, however. Nothing means as much to me as Saitou & Sano; nothing touches me like they do; nothing is as close to my heart. They’ve become such a part of my life that it’s been more than I could even imagine to give up writing about them, and where would I go then? No other fandom and no other characters come even close to making me feel what I feel (including the massive amounts of inspiration) for this pairing and this version of Saitou Hajime in particular; I can’t bend my fandom life around someone else.

But now the wicked behavior of Dead Author has struck what seems like a death blow to an already mostly dead subfandom, and I’m wondering: why go on at all? I guess I’ve always known I had to prepare myself for letting go at some point; why not now? I’ve only been writing about these guys for twenty years; they’re only my best friends; I only have Saitou’s motto tattooed on my back — no big deal, right? No, of course I’m not crying. Why should this be horrendously painful?

So what I’m saying here is that I’ll be tapering off. Obviously I’ll finish the in-progress fics I’m posting — you’d have to kill me to get me not to — and I’ll probably still work on the HoH stuff I’ve got going despite not having begun to post any of that yet… but the 30 other Saitou & Sano stories (and small handful of RK stories about other characters) in various states of startedness and finishedness I have sitting around on my hard drive will probably never be completed. I’ll convert what I can into original fiction (which obviously nobody reads, but at least then I’ll still be able to write it).

My heart is broken. I know it’s selfish to be focusing so much on the effect Dead Author’s inhumanity is having on my writing and my place in a community that already hasn’t existed for a decade rather than on the much greater and more life-destroying effect that type of behavior, on his part and that of others, has on its actual victims… but there it is. I’m not as hurt as the real victims, but I am very hurt by this. I’ve spent literally half my life on something I’m now feeling compelled to walk away from.

(Note: The next entry dealing with this contains less despair and more specific planning.)

A Saitou & Sano collection in potentia

I’m thinking it could be fun to create a collection of my best Saitou & Sano fics and illustrate them all. Yeah, yeah, every time I claim I’m going to draw a bunch of pictures, it doesn’t happen… but the collection could still proceed even if that aspect of it falls through. Of course it would primarily be an ebook (because I love making ebooks), but I am having sneaky little thoughts about how cool it would be to get some copies printed up physically as well.

So the question is, which fics should be included? The list I’ve come up with is as follows: Helpless, Pillow Talk, Death Wish, I Dream I Know Not How, Naked Rooftops, Unboxing Party, The Prevention of Gross Injustice, State of Attire, 漸進的 な 会得 – Gradual Understanding, and He Can Be Taught. I’d kinda like to include Seeing Red in there too, but that really does make the thing too long. There is room for a few more shorter stories, though.

So — any suggestions as to which other fics I should include?

(I’m also thinking it’d be awesome to have something new/previously unreleased in there, but that, of course, depends entirely on what I get written before I get the whole thing put together.)

Saitou & Sano

(This post used to be linked from the top of my archive and I used to keep it always up to date, but when I made the decision to walk away from Rurouni Kenshin fanfiction, I let it go. So many of the links and some of the information may not longer be correct.)

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Why I Love Them Other Thoughts Favorite Stories By Others
Stories By Me Favorite Visual Art Visual Art By Me
Songs That Remind Me Of Them Other Random Crap/Comment

Though there are other, perhaps more meaningful or important artistic pursuits in my life, I have and will probably always have a great love for works (my own and others’) featuring the romance of Watsuki Nobuhiro‘s Saitou Hajime and Sagara Sanosuke. And since I am, if not the only remaining fan, then at least, most likely, the main remaining fan of this pairing, I thought I would set up this little page about them for the benefit of anyone else with a passing interest. Remember when there used to be a lot of “shrine” websites to specific characters and pairings? Think of this as something like that. I’ll probably add more to it when I think of more to add.



Why I Love Them

I love Saitou and Sano together because…

They’re good for each other. Sano helps Saitou enjoy life, lay off the srs bsns every once in a while and detox, and feel more human interest and sympathy for the people around him. Saitou helps Sano recognize the value of (and perhaps learn some) maturity, dedication, prioritizing, and planning. Each can learn a lot from the other in fields spanning almost the entirety of life experience; they become stronger and better people together.

They can function as emotional yin and yang when it comes to restraint and total lack thereof, as well as jaded experience and sometimes-almost-naive enthusiasm. As such, they can provide each other moral and emotional support where each most needs it.

In canon (and even often beyond it), they share certain basic beliefs — specifically about corruption in the government and the need to prevent tragedy to the innocent of Japan — that gives them an excellent level to connect on. The different methods by which they act on these beliefs may raise points of contention, but also highlight that common ground and, in any story where they do work together, provide opportunities for them to learn to cooperate and compromise for their mutual goals.

Even in canon, each develops a grudging respect for the other (though I admit that any show of respect by Saitou toward Sano tends to be of the blink-and-you’ll-miss-it variety), and exploring the nuances of a relationship that begins with mutual disdain and disliking and grows into respect seemingly against the will of the participants is deliciously fascinating.

Also on a mostly canon basis, certain aspects of the lifestyle of each make them uniquely suited at the very least to interact somewhat regularly: Sano can contribute in numerous ways to Saitou’s investigations, and Saitou is the good fight Sano (whether or not he’s technically abandoned fighting for pay) is always craving.

Lastly, it just so happens that I adore couples that are constantly at each other’s throats, couples that have continual snarky banter but adore each other underneath; and I happen to find this couple very visually satisfying in their canonical outfits and colors. These points are little more than window-dressing to the more interesting ones mentioned above, but, damn, do they ever complete the hell out of an amazing package!

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Other Thoughts

I love it so much when Sano manages to avoid getting himself shot by Shishio’s Gatling gun and Saitou actually smiles at seeing him safe.

I love it so much how Sano, though he only stares in horror when Shishio defeats Kenshin, absolutely loses his shit when he sees Saitou taken down.

I love seeing Tokio portrayed as just as much a fan of Saitou and Sano together as the reader. I hate seeing Tokio portrayed as injured by Saitou and Sano together.

Isn’t it just miserably sad how there’s essentially no Saitou/Sano interaction in the live-action movies? Of course, Sano’s a complete idiot and has no real purpose in those movies, so perhaps interaction with Saitou is nothing to be missed much there.

In The Sword of Summer by Rick Riordan, it’s stated at one point, “You don’t call somebody an idiot that many times unless you’re really into them.” Just one more reason for me to love that author.

More thoughts about Saitou and Sano.

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Favorite Stories By Others

Looking for a beta-reader?

Back in the day (and by that I mean at the turn of the century), lots of people were writing lots of fanfiction about Saitou and Sano. Of course Sturgeon’s Law always applied, but when gross production was so high, one could stumble over a really great story in any direction on any given day. Nowadays… well, Sturgeon’s Law still applies. But here are some of my favorite fics about my favorite couple, nearly all of them from the early 2000’s:

A Certain Clarity by Franzeska is a novel-length fic with an incredibly engaging and emotional story that is super romantic and at times very funny.

Dreaming by MsJadey features some of the most poignant character development and interaction ever to grace this pairing. Read Suppress It by the same author for some serious laughs.

West of the Sun, East of the Moon by FarStrider is a beautiful fantastic tragedy that borrowed an excellent plot from a far inferior movie.

the poetic sequel to cohabitation (is only natural) by liveonanon is a (shockingly!) recent entry on this list — written in 2014 (for me *^__^*), it is all glorious wordporn and heartbreaking interpretation of Saitou.

And the most (even more shockingly!) recent entry here, check out all of plaidshirtjimkirk’s stuff (WordPress/AO3) for some really good in-depth examinations of character.

Besides all of these, you can, of course, find more Saitou & Sano fics at fanfiction.net (this link leads to a search for stories merely including both characters, as that turns up far more results than checking the “pairing” box; it also means, sadly, that some off-pairing fic featuring both Saitou and Sano is listed) and Archive Of Our Own.

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Stories By Me

Did I mention that Saitou and Sano together are one of my favorite things in the world? Though I may have slowed down a bit, I still adore them, and am always working on any number of stories about them.

Right now there are 85 stories on this archive (excluding a few that don’t quite count because they’re too pre-relationship or whatever) in which Saitou and Sano are a couple (or close enough), the most recently completed being Forgivably Wrong. I’ve always wondered what I would do to celebrate once I reached 100 Saitou/Sano fics on the archive, but it seems like for every story I put up, another, older one gets taken down because I realize it sucks XD

Anyway, if you are interested in reading any of these stories and don’t necessarily feel like picking through the lists here on the archive, you may find the ebook Index useful. Alternately, my favorites from among my own Saitou/Sano fics are as follows:

Death Wish is, I think, concisely emotional and interesting. Plus it has what is maybe the most awesome illustration I’ve ever commissioned.

He Can Be Taught may quite possibly be my #1 favorite ever since I rewrote it. Proof that I really can work in the canon setting, sometimes, and make myself just as happy as with an AU, heh. I really like the way their relationship develops in that one.

Seeing Red…. aaaaand then I’m right back to the AU’s. Ah, well. I think this story is totally badass.

漸進的 な 会得 – Gradual Understanding is kinda weird, and has a conceit that some people can’t stand… but I happen to like it quite a bit. It’s not exactly a new take on anything, but I think I did it pretty well.

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Favorite Visual Arts By Others

It’s very difficult to populate this section as I would like, since I don’t have credits for a lot of older fanart of this pairing. Still, enjoy what’s here!

These, of course, are just some of my personal favorites. You can see more at the DeviantArt Saitou & Sano community and the 斎左 tag on Pixiv.

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Visual Arts By Me

The picture at the top of the page is called Red, White, and Blue – My True Patriotism. It’s one of the most accurate picture titles I’ve ever come up with :D

I don’t draw very well most of the time, but it is nevertheless a hobby I enjoy, and of course that means I have drawn Saitou and Sano kindof a lot. Here are many of my better pictures of them:



In addition to all of that, you can see all my Rurouni Kenshin art (of which Saitou & Sano stuff makes up the majority), if you’re willing to look at all the crappier stuff as well as to dig through stories and chapters to look at illustrations.

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Songs That Remind Me Of Them

Songs that are reminiscent of a romantic pairing are as subjective in their relevance as the interpretations of that pairing must be, and what is a charming reminder for one person may fall completely flat — and, indeed, be rather annoying — to another. So proceed with a grain of salt to hand (and possibly even some caution).

Sadly, due to the pugnacious nature of this particular couple, I don’t really have any happy songs that make me think of them. And this list could probably be more extensive, too, if I’d bothered to write stuff down over the years instead of losing track of it. But here they are in order of most to least reminiscent. (YouTube videos shrunken to save space.)

I Hate Everything About You by Three Days Grace

While I think there are, in fact, quite a few things Saitou and Sano do love about each other, still the general feeling of this song is so overwhelmingly them that I can’t nitpick the mostly meaningless lyrics. It hit me so hard the first time I heard it that I immediately figured out how to make music videos (very poor ones, at the time) so I could display my appreciation appropriately.

One More Night by Maroon 5

I really like for the Saitou/Sano relationship to develop into something healthy, but it’s very easy for it to be anything but, and here’s a song that I think exemplifies some of the saddest they can be. Still pretty damn sexy, though, and a fantastic song.

Always by Saliva

And this one is probably the worst they can be. I’ve only written two songfics in my life, and the first was a heartrending abuse/breakup story set to this song. I didn’t like it much (possibly because it was so sad, possibly because I didn’t like how I’d written it), so it eventually went the way of all the internet… but my associations regarding the song remain.

Must Be Crazy For Me by Melissa Etheridge

Probably the least sad and unhealthy entry on this list. I’m particularly struck by the line, …when I kissed you last night in my own back yard, you ran so fast and you fought so hard… and the general (unhealthy and completely inappropriate!) no-means-yes feeling of the song.

(Melissa Etheridge also gets bonus points in my book for one line from another song I Really Like You: I’ll gladly make you my first tattoo; you and me forever in red and black and blue. This is mostly just because my first tattoo was “Aku Soku Zan” kanji and she happened to name all but white of the Saitou/Sano colors.)

Knock Yourself Out by Toby Keith

Any lyrics that compare love to a fist fight (even if in this case it seems more like a formal boxing match than a dirty back-alley encounter) are of course going to remind me of Saitou and Sano. So sad, though!

Ain’t That A Bitch by Aerosmith

OK, so this one’s only on here because of the first line — Up in smoke you lost another lover, as you take a hit off your last cigarette — coupled with the fact that I wrote a story about Saitou and Sano called As the Years Go Up In Smoke.

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Other Random Crap

As I mentioned above, I have made one music video about Saitou and Sano and their love. It’s not very good, but it is about Saitou and Sano and their love. I’m going to remake it better one of these days, but I don’t know when.

Check out my custom phone cases:

I do almost nothing on livejournal anymore, so I almost never have the opportunity to use any of the icons I spent so long making over the lj years. So I might as well display them all here:

If you’re interested in discussing this completely awesome pairing, sounding off as a fellow fan, or sharing some link or suggestion for my little shrine here, feel free to comment below. I’ll get an email and become extremely happy, because I love not only to be reminded of Saitou and Sano, but to be notified that other fans still exist.

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Is it safe Talib this to the defense?

Quote of the day, courtesy of Rick Riordan and pretty clearly intended for fans of Saitou and Sano: “You don’t call somebody an idiot that many times unless you’re really into them.”

Man, I am 54 parts into recording Confrérie, and of course then I would get a cold. Not like I can’t finish later, but, man, I was on such a roll.

This cold has gotten worse over the last couple of days, too, and almost completely ruined my weekend. I have accomplished nothing, which makes me very unhappy. But at least my Broncs won.

So I dreamed that Saitou had invited me and my family to this wedding, and my brother Sano was extremely upset because he thought Saitou was the one getting married — when in fact Saitou was just playing a lovely violin solo. So after the ceremony, I stormed off to give Saitou a piece of my mind for letting my brother be so unhappy. I would say I woke up giggling (mostly at Saitou playing a lovely violin solo), but I actually woke up coughing.

That’s really all I have to say.

There was this one time Waybee attacked a pinwheel that I had:


Also then why the crap did I take this picture I don’t even know:

BOWLS!!

It’s OK to believe that there’s something in nothing now

So much awesome stuff to tell about.

First of all. Back when I didn’t get to sing in the program and was just listening in the audience, a family with three childs sat in front of me. There was a boy of about seven that was playing tic-tac-toe with his sister on a pad of paper until she got tired of it and refused to play any more. At this point I leaned forward to play with him. We played many games, he often cheating (possibly without realizing it), and whenever he thought I was taking too long to take my turn, he would say impatiently, “Go, person!” We did not, you see, know each other.

Eventually he got tired of tic-tac-toe, and wanted to play the connect-the-dots-to-form-squares game. He was incapable of drawing a gameboard for it, though; he would make a row of fairly neat dots and then get tired of that tedium and try to fill in the rest by jabbing the paper at random. So I drew a gameboard for that, and we played. The initial he put in the boxes he made appeared to be a J, but it was difficult to tell with his seven-year-old handwriting. Mine, of course, was an R. And at one point, as had often happened, he thought I was dawdling about my turn, and said, “Go, person!” Only this time added, “I’m guessing your name is Rapunzel.” Probably the only R name he could think of.

The next awesome stuff is the concert brother and I went to. The main group was Sixx A.M., and Apocalyptica was going to be there too, so we knew it would be pretty badass. We only showed up forty minutes before the concert was due to start, though, and got a bad spot whence I couldn’t see almost anything on stage. Brother, significantly taller than I am, was OK.

So the opener band comes on, and I can only see the drummer and occasionally a guitarist and the vocalist when they come to the corner of the stage. And they’re all Japanese guys — this is made even more clear whenever the vocalist talks to the audience with his cute accent. Not only that, but they sound JUST LIKE L’Arc~en~Ciel if L’Arc were a little bit more hard rock. Even the vocalist sounded just like Hyde would sound if he sang in a bit more of a hard rock style.

So I’m enjoying the hell out of this obvious L’Arc clone, very surprised to find such a J-pop-sounding group (harder rock or not) at this metalish concert, and thinking, This soundalike is probably the closest I’ll ever get to seeing the real L’arc~en~Ciel in person. And when they’re done performing and the stage is being set up for the next band, I pop onto Wikipedia to look them up.

You guys. IT WAS ACTUALLY FUCKING HYDE. This band, VAMPS, is a side-project of his that I guess he’s been doing for a couple of years just for fun (demonstrating, yet again, how well I pay attention to what the artists I love are up to). The music sounds like L’arc because he writes it, and he sounds like Hyde when he sings because HE FUCKING IS HYDE.

Hyde — the actual, real Hyde of L’Arc~en~Ciel — was ON STAGE IN FRONT OF ME. IN THE SAME BUILDING. I accidentally saw Hyde — the real, actual Hyde of L’Arc~en~Ciel — without having ANY IDEA I was going to do so.

I was so shaken by surprise and joy at this bizarre and unexpected and wonderful circumstance that I kinda dissolved into tears. I’m still not over this weeks later. How could something this amazing and awesome happen to me?? I mean, I really like Apocalyptica and Sixx A.M. (and the latter’s concert rendition of Accidents Can Happen was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard), but my love for L’Arc is way way way greater, and dates to a much earlier period in my life, than my love for either of them. And HYDE WAS FUCKING THERE. I don’t even. I just can’t.

But enough of that. Moving on. The next item is MY NEW LITTLE FRIEND:

This is my new dog!! Since he is a ten-pound maltipoo unlikely to get any bigger, I thought it appropriate to name him Hiko Seijuurou XIII.


Hiko-chan, who is about a year and a half old, was rescued from a neglectful (and possibly actively abusive) home in Arizona, so he has some sad little personality quirks. Potty training has been a challenge thus far, because he is very reluctant to go in front of humans. But he’s learning other things pretty well — he already knows “out of the kitchen” and “sit” — and he sleeps in his little bed at night quite well.

He has made friends, more or less, with Little Cat, and they chase each other and wrestle and it’s freaking adorable. Waybee sulked behind the couch for several days and wouldn’t even come out to eat, but she’s finally emerged and seems to have forgiven me. She sat on my lap today for the first time in a week. She’ll never be friends with Little Dog, but all she really needs to do is tolerate him.

As far as other things that have happened in my life lately… well, my latest reread of the RK manga has left me with the usual riotous, aching desire for Saitou/Sano stuff… so even though (let’s be perfectly honest here) I’ve been in a bit of a slump all year as far as writing due to a series of circumstances that were mostly my own choice, I’ve managed to get a new story almost to linear completion. It has no title yet, and I don’t know when it will actually be finished, and its focus is not directly on Saitou and Sano (in fact, in that and several other respects it very much resembles In-Law), but some work is better than less work.

That’s all I have to say for now.

Is there any felicity in the world superior to this?

OK, I barely have words for this, but I’m trying anyway.

IT HAPPENED AGAIN. You guys. It happened again. Three in a row, you guys. You guys.

First of all, the story I already mentioned freaking updated with two new parts about Saitou and Sano. And also, another adorable story appeared on ff.n. Wot! How? I don’t even! There’s going to be some serious depression when I come down off this unexpected high, but I don’t give a shit. Saitou and Sano forever.

Saitou answered dutifully when asked how to spell “asshole,” “bastard,” “arrogant,” and “antennae,” but when Sano announced he was writing a romance novel about him, Saitou took the paper away.

Hey, what’s up? I still exist apart from Confrérie, I promise. Here’s the deal: the new job is fucking exhausting. I am so dead tired when I get home I can barely think. We’re only open four days a week, so every weekend is three days long, and it takes that full space of time (including twelve-to-thirteen-hour spans of rest every night) to recover. I try to pack as much artistic productivity into those three days as I possibly can, and this tends to steal any time I have for things like writing journal entries.

So why this entry today? I’ll tell you. First, I’m getting more and more accustomed to the workload and less and less zombie-like after work every day, so at some point I have to get back to documenting life as it happens. Second, and more importantly, Saaaiiitooouuu and Saaaaaanooooo.

Lately I’ve been thinking about steps I could possibly take to advertise a little. Most options I thought of were the kind that would take up way too much of the time I already don’t have a lot of for writing fic rather than promoting it, but I did think it might be a little useful to finally get around to signing up for AO3 and posting a couple of things there. So today, despite my loathing of having stories in multiple places online, I did that. AND THEN.

Anyone that’s never clung to a dead fandom has no idea how it feels to go months and even years without anything new appearing for a beloved pairing or other fandom concept, so let me tell you: IT FEELS BAD. Seriously, there are days I want to cry because I miss Saitou and Sano so much. And you can only get so high off your own merchandise, you know?

But today! When I was looking around AO3 where I’d just made an account! I found a story about Saitou and Sano I had never read before!!!!! And I… I don’t even have words for how happy it made me, and how much better my day (and my weekend) is because of it. I’m ecstatic. I’m about to go to bed in preparation for another week of work, and I am fully braced and ready because I read this story. SO HAPPY! And I thought I should share that in my journal.

In case anyone’s curious, the lovely fic I read is located here and the parts about Saitou and Sano are 3, 5, 7, and 8.

In conclusion, to celebrate appropriately, this picture I once drew:

Hospital

I really should make an entry about my internship now that I’m at the halfway point, but I don’t feel like it. It’s going well. Much more interesting than that is the amazing picture drawn by Candra, whose art I have long adored, for me by commission:

This is a scene from Death Wish, and I literally cried when she sent me the initial sketch. Isn’t she just spectacular?? Her commissions still seem to be open, if anyone else is interested in jumping on that chance!!

Don’t want to be a richer man

Hello!! Guess who’s done with school!!

Well, “done” is a slight misnomer. Internship starts on Monday, and there’s some dumbass online class I have to do during that, which I never heard of until yesterday. But I’m done with going up to the school and sitting in class or working in lab every day.

The last eight weeks — and most particularly the last three — have been disgustingly busy and hectic, and I’ve been routinely exhausted about about ready to cry, but it’s all finally over. The funny thing is, I thought Valentine’s Day week was going to be the worst because I would have to deal with working every day after school for the incredibly busy holiday and trying to find some time in the middle of that to get my homework done… but these last two weeks have actually been worse. But guess what! It’s over!!

In recent days I have given intramuscular injections to a fractious horse, performed cystocentesis on an obese pitbull, managed not to get bitten by a large turtle reluctant to have its head held, manually retracted the opening of a cat’s abdominal cavity while the doctor rooted around inside, demonstrated to frightened classmates that the corn snake would not bite even when a hand was held steadily and invitingly in front of its mouth, and I know not what else. It’s been pretty badass.

Hoping to work with sheep and goats and camelids and such, I requested a large animal practice for my internship, but they were not able to find one for me. Because they kept looking for so long, there was a significant delay in finding me a site at all; in fact it only happened yesterday. It seems like a very nice clinic, but I guess I’ll find out for sure starting Monday morning! And I don’t know that the next six weeks won’t be just as busy and stressful as the last eight, but we can only wait and find out. At the very least, I’ll have most evenings free, which, of course, allows for writing time as long as I’m not too miserably tired to think straight XD

Speaking of writing, I’m really quite proud of myself for keeping up with Confrérie lately. I couldn’t have done it if I hadn’t been able to write during lectures at school. As such, it’s been editing time that’s been scarce, which is why the most recent few parts (and potentially this coming Sunday’s) have perhaps been a little less polished than I’d like. Fortunately, things can be edited into eternity, and I will eventually be satisfied.

During this time, I got a new phone, and it is best phone. Because I’ve been so damn busy, it took me, like, three weeks to do all the new-phone-playing that one usually gets done on the first night of owning a new phone, but I’m no less convinced, for that, that this new phone is best phone. And one of the most important things to do with a new mainstream model phone for which people actually design accessories is to GET ACCESSORIES FOR IT. So take a look at the two custom cases I ordered:


Um, try not to look at the background of those two photos, which can only lead to speculation about who’s been too busy to clean her room any time lately. Also, obviously, the cases are not on the phone since I found it an unnecessarily tricky business to take pictures of my phone with my phone camera. Anyway! I have not yet decided when/how often/under what circumstances I will switch them out. Right now the blue one’s on there.

And speaking of things I got recently that are Rurouni-Kenshin-related! See!



I’ve had my eye on this set of posters for approximately forever, but they were always going for, like, $90 for the set on ebay (and that was before shipping), and, utterly gorgeous though they are, I just wasn’t quite ready to pay that much for them. I knew I had to get at least Saitou and Sano eventually, though… but individual posters were going for as much as $30 a piece! Finally I saw the lot for $60 (including shipping this time) and decided to go for it. So far I am extremely undisappointed. Every time I look up at them, I’m gleefully undisappointed all over again. Well worth the money :D

And here’s another lovely picture I’ve taken with my lovely new phone:

This is a thing my cat has taken to doing lately: she jumps up onto the back of my computer chair and just hangs out there. Sometimes this is while I’m sitting in the chair, sometimes not. I’m not sure why she does it, but it’s adorable and she is best cat.

Oh, man. My poor brother got into an accident in my car recently. He was undamaged, but the car has been in the shop for an eon already. Then yesterday before school, my dad’s car wouldn’t start. I spent, like, $100 on taxi fares because we didn’t have time to try to figure out what was wrong with it and we both had to be places. If I’d been aware that some car rental places will actually bring a car to you rather than require you to come to their facility, I could, I think, have spent less. Well, we live and learn.

Oh, and my sister had a baby, so now she has three children for whom the books I’m writing can be intended but who may never enjoy my style of writing that has a difficult time focusing on the adventure rather than the much more interesting interpersonal drama XD

Also, cantata has started. I find, somewhat to my surprise, that I remember this one extremely well and could probably sing most if not all of it without the music. Then remains the usual problem of not having sung all year and not being able to breathe properly practically up until the very day of performance.

And speaking of my mother and her music… Recently I had a lovely dream wherein she was working with a new acquaintance on some musical matter, and this woman was about my age and extremely awesome. I was crushing harder and harder throughout the business, but feeling it was hopeless because, despite her not being a member of my mother’s church, she was yet working with my mother on matters of Christian music and the chances of her being gay and into me were not great. But when they were finished with whatever it was that they were doing, she revealed that she, in fact, returned my interest! I did worry that the kiss we then exchanged would make my mother uncomfortable, but it was still a pretty badass dream.

So I totally plan on going to England to visit Zombie Girl later this year. The only thing that prevents this plan from becoming concrete and me from looking out for airline tickets is the possibility that I’ll get hired at my intern site (or conceivably some other site) during the course of my internship. But in any case, it’s a wonderful thing to look forward to.

All right, that’s all I can think of at the moment. If there’s anything else I need to catch up on… well, it probably won’t get caught up on. We’ll see how frequently I feel like making personal-life entries during the upcoming weeks!

I just can’t live without you; I love you, I hate you

I need to make a detailed Halloween report, but at the moment I have zero pictures of myself in costume, so that will have to wait. Right now I just wanted to mention that, since fanfiction.net applied the pairing filter options, Seeing Red is not just the only story there labeled with the Saitou & Sano pairing, it is 1/2 of all the stories there labeled with Saitou in a romantic relationship at all.

This is not a good thing — in fact it’s a very bad thing, as it’s evidence of how dead not just my good old fandom but also my favorite pairing of all time is; there are three or four other stories about Saitou and Sano that are supposedly still being updated, but the most recent post to any of them was in January, so of course none of those authors has been around to take advantage of the new pairing labels… and authors of older stuff are probably actually literally dead by now and decayed in their graves.

So, yeah, not a good thing… but kindof an interesting thing, you know? Anyone that went to ff.n and searched for fics about Saitou and Sano in a romantic relationship using the new pairing filter would find only my story about them. And the irony of that is that Seeing Red is actually a pre-relationship fic. They won’t actually hook up until Confrérie progresses a bit farther.

Such is life, I suppose! Some things are just a crying shame, though.

P.S. Speaking of Saitou and Sano, the rewrite of He Can Be Taught is complete and completely posted.

EDIT! (Long after the fact.) I actually never got my hands on any pictures, but I should still report Halloween. So. I dressed up as PSY in one of his Gangnam Style outfits, and, if I do say so myself, it looked damn good. The only problem was that the sunglasses that were appropriate to the outfit didn’t come in the mail until a week and a half after Halloween, so for the day itself I wore some that were less appropriate to the outfit.

I went to school in this fabulous costume, and there was a Halloween party/costume contest. So many of us had dressed up that we had to be voted for in batches because there wasn’t space out in the center of the room for everyone at once. So a truncated set of students went out and walked around in a circle so everyone in the room could see our costumes.

Then the guy that runs the school or whatever went around calling on each of us individually so our costumes could be specifically identified, and then the room would clap and cheer however much they wanted that person to win the contest. I already had the feeling nobody knew who I was supposed to be, so when it came around to me, instead of saying that I was PSY, I just did a bit of the dance to identify myself. That got some loud applause.

But then a bit later, while the judges were conferring on our lot, the guy that runs the school or whatever called me forward to dance properly for everyone. And that got the loudest applause and cheering of all!! But because it wasn’t the voting applause and cheering and the judges were already conferring, I did not win. People were coming up to me for weeks afterward, though, saying, “You were awesome on Halloween, and you totally should have won! You got way more applause than that cat girl!”

The person that actually won the #1 prize totally totally deserved it, though. Aside from her completely badass evil scarecrow movie-quality costume, she’s also a lesbian and on our side of the street. Vet building represent!

Anyway, I handed out candy on Halloween evening, and got lots of compliments on my costume, though I’m pretty sure 0% of the people that said something knew who I was XD It was a great holiday!

With a voice like sand and glue

I’ve been happily busy for several days and have neglected to report. So. I finally vacuumed my room! I’m so pleased with myself! Of course mom has company coming tomorrow, so she’s been having us do all sorts of wrist-straining cleaning tasks that are extremely relevant to having company (like sweeping the front porch ceiling), but vacuuming my room was something I actually care about even if it did hurt XD

Starting a music video was… well, not exactly a mistake… but I should have remembered what working on music videos does to me. It’s so damned addictive and exclusive. The other day — Saturday, I think — I literally worked on it for the entire day, from the moment I got up ’til the moment I went to bed, except for maybe an hour that I spent exercising. Guh, so much fun working on music video, especially on this new computer that doesn’t grind to a halt and have to be reset every twenty minutes. But such long hours of this are also a strain on my wrist; it needs to be saved for times when I’m too tired to write or whatever.

Have I mentioned the exercising yet? Ah, it would be so easy to check, but I’m not going to. I restarted the treadmill over a week ago and have been doing extremely well at it ever since. I am quite pleased with myself. Yeah, I think I remember mentioning it, since I’m watching TNE when Lesta’s not around for BSSM.

It’s a little hard to tell, but that’s my darling cat inside a bottled water package. She does love to get into things.

I just stumbled upon the following in an entry from about five years ago: So the other day as I was walking to work, it struck me that Saitou/Sano is the corpse in the basement of the (alternate) Clanbronwyn Hotel, and I’m the hand in the water. Yesterday I didn’t feel so much like that, but in general I think it’s a good (if incredibly pretentiously geeky) analogy. Da ha ha ha ha ha ha. Why has nothing changed.

Speaking of Saitou and Sano, Seeing Red wraps up tomorrow, and next week we’ll have Fast Decisions (assuming music video doesn’t eat all the time I need to spend on editing XD). After that I’ll really need to think about some ASZz and HR chapters so I’m not entirely neglecting my favorites while I work on getting Confrérie ready. Am I going to be posting SR (or anything else) on ff.n? This still has not been settled.

My mother has put spider on a chain for me, and I shall wear him with my nice brown button-up tomorrow. How about that!!

I died; then my instinct was born

Gaiz, I think I’ve found a new hobby. Because, y’know, I needed another one. I’ve never done much recording of my own stories before, because I was always like, But then when I edit the story again, the recording will be outdaaated *whine whine whine*… but the recording and editing themselves are proving to be so much fun that re-recording something when I’ve edited it isn’t seeming like all that unpleasant a task.

Yeah. I’ve been enjoying doing Plastic so much that I’ve been dreamily planning on recording everything, which is… a significant undertaking. Plastic is up to 47 parts complete, so it’s not even half done yet… and today while I was editing parts I’d already recorded, I was suddenly like, Ooh, poetry, and went and recorded all the poems I felt like recording (which was 34 of them).

So I guess we’ll see what comes of this XD

OK, what else did I have to say? His Face has been fairly tolerable for the last couple of days: still stupid, but nothing has stood out. At school today, though, a pregnant gal in the class left to go to the emergency room because she’d suddenly started bleeding copiously… and I won’t know how she is until Monday.

Doesn’t mean I wasn’t glad of Friday. Which, by the way, is 30 days until I turn 32!

I swear there was something specific and (relatively) interesting I wanted to document. But now I can’t remember it to save my life. I guess all that recording drove it from my head. Ah, well, I’ll probably remember eventually.

OH! Dreams!! Dreams.

What’s this, another door?

On Craigslist I saw this “Foot models wanted” ad that I had to click on because it looked amusing. It was. This line inside made me laugh myself helpless: “Female models needed for an upstart foot-related website selling photos and videos of feet as separate content.” An upstart foot-related website… oh, man…

Yesterday I went everywhere with Zombie Girl. I have been reading to her my favorite fanfiction of all time, which she too has been loving to pieces, so any time there is some driving to be done I keep going with her so we can read.

Between that and recording Plastic I’m a little hoarse lately XD That project is actually coming along better than I’d expected, since it is a great way for me to keep from a lot of mousing or typing. I’m up to part 21, so I’m a fifth of the way through! Yay!

Now it is time for pairing meme. Day 3: Your OTP