Bagels and survey

This old man came in yesterday and asked, “Do you know where you have English muffins?”

“Over here somewhere,” said I cheerfully as I came to join him in the expansive bread area on the other side of the counter. “Let’s see if we can find them.” I didn’t know exactly where they were, but working at a grocery store you develop the ability to find things quickly, so I walked right to them. “Here they are,” I said, touching one of the packages. “Looks like we’ve got a couple of different options: original, sourdough, and whole wheat.” They looked pretty good, too, but that may just have been because I hadn’t eaten.

The old man looked disdainful. “I thought of those more as bagels,” he said.

Not really having any idea what he meant, I laughed and made some comment about the packaging, asked if I could help him find anything else, and bade him good evening. A few minutes later I saw him leaving the store empty-handed.

What was wrong wis the perfectly normal and clearly-labeled English muffins? Were they too bagely for him? Perhaps he’s under some sort of curse where all English muffins appear to be bagels in his eyes. Or did he think perhaps I was wrong about them and what they were? Maybe my initial ignorance of their precise location threw him off balance. Perhaps he realized he wasn’t in the mood for bagels English muffins after all?

The world may never know.

Long survey

“Sleep is not the only nocturnal activity of which I do not mean to be deprived.”

I dreamed I was in high school (ugh) and was having a hard time catching the bus. For some reason, a couple of fellow students and I had driven to the bus stop to catch the bus, but the bus took off before we could get out of the car. I suppose it’s logical to assume that students in a car have no need of the bus. And at some point in the dream I was deliberately trying to make myself look pretty. Doubtless thanks to the amount of Amelia I’m absorbing lately, I was wearing a red evening gown of some sort, had grown my hair all long (undoubtedly inspired by the “hair cut” in Stardust), and was making a big deal of earrings — I seemed to have several more piercings than I do in real life.

So after some vague school stuff, the dream shifted to me and my girlfriend being chased by a witch. We turned into cats the better to flee this witch, who then turned into a dog to chase us. We got separated, and I ran into a baby. The baby and its older brother/caretaker took me in kindly, and I loved the baby and I loved to purr against its fat little cheeks. But I needed to find my girlfriend, so I went looking for her. And I found the people that had taken her in, but unfortunately she had been dying at that point. Apparently I’d given her some of my earrings, so I showed the people the match and they realized what it meant and it was all angsty. And I was sadly hugging one of the earrings she’d been wearing, which had grown, like, as big as me. Which, in retrospect, makes the dream rather more comical than tragic. Which is fairly typical of my tragic dreams.

OK, so Smauss and I worked together a lot last week, which means we talked a freaking lot (much to the annoyance of the store manager), and she mentioned a friend of hers that was talking about what good lube Nutella makes (for bumming purposes, not het stuff). BUT IT’S BROWN. I had to record this in my journal simply… because… it’s BROWN. It’s rather difficult to squick me, but this almost does it. Of course, the knowledge of how delicious Nutella is might counteract the… no, I’m going to stop talking about this.

OH MAN. I made fourteen salads today. Oh, yeah, and I also dreamed that I liked beer. And I really don’t have anything else to say in this entry.

“The activity to which I referred requires that both of us be present.”

HOT EAR ON ME

Sometimes my left ear suddenly gets all hot while my right ear remains normal. It’s not infected or hurt or anything; it just randomly heats up and it’s so weird. The problem wis this is that I have a sort of fixation wis items that are an unusual temperature, and feel compelled to hold onto them until they level out again. So I will sit around holding my ear whenever I’m not typing and sometimes even when I am.

ONCE UPON A TIME

I decided to make an entry, but by the time I’d typed the very important subject I realized that I had nothing to say or had forgotten what I was going to say. So I will just make some important philosophical comments on various important topics.

Vampires are awesome, but to me they equal angst more than sex. Mostly because of the lack of circulation. Took took took. Took bloods around. It’s very important to suck all the blood. What if you were in a coffin wis a door? What about that.

I drawed Cho and she has a butterfly whoosh. That’s pretty awesome. It was going to be a bunch of butterflies, but they melted into each other. Like melting pandas. Only wisout pandas and wis butterflies. Gold butterflies. Too bad they were all on graph paper. Cho Cho Cho.

The bisexual Hiko in my mind is at odds wis himself. He doesn’t want to do anything more than flirt wis women. What three words should I say? That is, what word should I say three times? Hiko Hiko Hiko. There we go. MmmmmmmmHiko.

I got to see the DD spoiler that Mookie sended out even though he didn’t send it to me. He sended it to Mostle and she showed it to me. That is freaking awesome. I feel so spoiled and in the know.

Chibs drawed a peecture. It is of himself and a fish (apparently) and some other stuff that I don’t know what it is. Especially the scaly? furry? object on the far right.

Ice.

What about great ideas. I have so many of those. One of these days I’ma go back home to my own home. Not until after M’s birthday and her departure, because it would make me sad for her to be here and me not to be here. Here here here. What shall I get her for her birthday? Mas Wings fanart? That seems like a good idea.

Speaking of drawing peectures, which I was in two previous paragraphs, what about the one I drawed before. It is, like, my favorite. Not actually my favorite. Just, like, my favorite. What what what what what snow naked

Tanya

So I have this neighbor/coworker Tanya who is really strange. Now I will describe the experience I had with her the other day. Item

The other thing I meant to mention but forgot and have now remembered

Randomly, my beloved battle-axe necklace started to smell really bad…. this oily, decaying, fecal smell that I can’t describe any better than I just have but that makes me gag. I have a tendency to finger the necklace when I’m thinking about something, and then the smell gets on my hands. I really have no idea where it came from, but it’s death horrible evil bad. To date I have washed the thing in every cleaning substance I own, and let it soak in nice-smelling alcohol hand sanitizer for 48 hours… but the smell has returned. I don’t know what to do. Mayhap it is a manifestation of my guilt and won’t go away until I mend my ways. Anyway, it’s driving me up the wall. That’s all.

HOLY COW !

I stopped posting about my constant influx of “free money if you give us money” letters a long time ago since it got un-funny after about the first million. But this one I kept for a long time because it was hilarious — it’s my favorite I’ve ever received — and now I shall finally report on it so I can throw it away. It would be easier for me to just scan it, but I’m too lazy to take all the stuff off my scanner, so I’ll type it out exactly as it appears on paper. Here is what it says.

Mails

I don’t know how I manage to luck out so much. My mail is a constant source of entertainment for me. Today I won $1,800,000.00 in SWEEPSTAKES and CONTEST MONIES and PRIZE opportunities; I just have to pay a $21.99 appointed release fee. And then… this is the best thing yet… I got some mail for some guy in Virginia. OK, I can understand getting my neighbor’s mail… but… THIS IS NOT VIRGINIA. I am so amused. To make matters more awesome, this person’s name (I’m only assuming it’s a guy) is Shyamprasa Molugu. This is not very similar to my name. Also this is not Virginia. It gets better. It was mailed from Delaware. OK, um, Virginia and Delaware are rather close to each other. Colorado is HALF THE COUNTRY AWAY. WTF?? Well, whatever. It is the funniest. As if it isn’t weird enough that I still get mail for Kevin and Rahul (and I got another Liquor Outlet newsletter thing for Kevin the other day)…

A very important lj entry

Today at work I was horribly tired on account of having the worst sleep ever yesterday. However, it was a good day nonetheless. One notable item in particular:

As Gregoreee and I were walking out of work, we turned a corner in the hallway and what did we see? This!

My uncle’s thoughts on Firefly

My uncle is irritating, but I emailed him at some point for something (asking about a computer program he’d had once or something), and happened to mention Firefly. He’d just bought the series himself, and proceeded to tell me what he thought of it:

Good show, definitely sad that it was not continued. But, I can understand why it was cancelled. The writer definitely tried too hard to push the moral boundaries of the characters.

Inara immediately comes to mind. She was easily the worst character in the show, simply because they tried too hard to make her “profession” a legitimate and respectable one. Then they double slapped her character’s character when she cries over the captain sleeping with the slut lady. ????? Yeah, go figure. Her character could have been great, as she was a good actress and extremely beautiful, which was the only thing that saved her.

The mechanic, Kaylee, was a way cool character, who I really liked, until the episode where the captain is having the flashbacks and it shows how she got on the ship. Then they add the line, “I’ll have to ask my parents”? She’s having sex on a ship with the mechanic, but has to go ask mommy if she can go on a space ride? Ouch! Major blow to her character and I really had to put that episode out of my mind to still like her character.

The rest of the characters were pretty cool, and I loved Jayne. He was hilarious! But, like I said, I can understand why the show didn’t get continued. It tried to push too many moral boundaries at once, and the bottom line is that the majority of this country, whether people choose to believe it or not, is still moral and has standards. If they would have toned the show down just a tad, I believe it wouldn’t have been canceled.

The movie, Serenity, was what the television show should have been like. It was 10X better than the series (which I really liked the series, so you can see I REALLY liked the movie). I loved how it tied everything together and gave you some closure on the series.

I figured I’d share this, since I know a large portion of my flist is into that lovely universe; is anybody else as annoyed (on various levels) by this ‘critique’ as I am? I try to avoid asking my uncle’s opinion on anything, and this is pretty much why.

In case anyone is curious, yes, this is the same uncle whose comment on Mononoke-Hime was, “I liked it until it turned into Ferngully,” and whose comment on Cowboy Bebop: Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door was, “I liked the Ferngully one better.”